I can't believe its been so long since my last post. I want to thank those of you who commented on my last entry, it is always heartening to read kind words and thoughts. I figured an update was in order as to where I stand currently.

Where do I start? Well, a little while back my wife and I started seeing a marriage counselor/therapist. It started when I broke again and told her I'm still not happy at home. I think I've come a long way towards seeing my own truth and realizing that I can't keep operating under the assumption that I can make those around me happy. I've seen that I've always put others before myself, and it has been to my detriment. I've seen the therapist on my own and had a nice talk with her, she feels my upbringing has created my ideas about pleasing others. We have gone together for the other sessions, there have been hurts on both sides, tears have been shed, truths have been told and brought to the front. The past two days have brought something new though. She asked about getting a separation yesterday morning. I want to say I was surprised, but I'm not. We agreed to go see the counselor tomorrow night and Friday night to talk about it, I don't think she feels that comfortable taking with me anymore when it comes to us. Then last night she said she won't sleep in the same bed with me, that would explain the getting up the night before and going to the spare bedroom. It's not like we touch each other at all, the bed is big enough and we are always on our own sides. I know this is all being put on me, because I'm the one unhappy. We talked about that Saturday night, how can two people living together be in such different places, one happy, one not?

I'm done caving in though, done being a yes man, done agreeing because I know it would make her happy, done ignoring myself, done denying my own wants and needs. I want a life full of passion, desire, love, lust, sharing, caring, shared moments, smiles, happiness, self fulfillment.

The therapist had me read a book by Wayne Dyer, called Your Erroneous Zones. I read it last week and thought, damn, I am so fucking text book. All these things that I've let rule me, guilt, anger, pleasing others, worry. They are all things that hold us back from action, they all cause fear in one way or another, fear of the unknown, fear of loss, fear of reprisal, fear of judgement. I'm tired of being afraid, I'll not settle for the status quo anymore.


Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.

Pedro Arrupe, S.J.




Photo taken from Tumblr

I had a new first this past weekend, you may remember that I said a few weeks ago how my wife wanted to start this couch to 5K thing. Well, I've been doing some of it with her, not as much as she has, I did miss some days due to my work schedule. Plus, I'm a bicyclist, not a runner, but anyway. We ended up registering for a 5K run that took place this past Sunday.

We arrived at the local Y about an hour early so we could get signed in and get the little one to the kids center to play while we ran. This run was a fundraiser for the Livestrong foundation, so I of course had no problem at all supporting it. There were a few others we knew doing the run including three people my wife was "training" with regularly, and we also found her brother in law and his son were running as well. We meet them all there and were ready to take off for the 11 o'clock start. I might add, that there was an incredible sea of well built women in tight running shorts and tops.

To tell you the truth, I wasn't sure how well I was going to do, I mean I carry a decent pace because of my height I think, but I'm not that good at continuous running. I tend to stop occasionally to rest my bad knee a bit. I've been doing ok on the runs with my wife, but I haven't run without stopping at one point or another.

Anyway, we got off to a start on a nice sunny day Sunday, not to hot, in the 70's. My wife and I agreed to run at our own comfort levels, so I wanted to get my faster pace towards the beginning knowing I'd fade after. We started and I wasn't ready for the crowds and clusters of people involved. I've done a few bike races in my time, but the groups in those tend to stretch out at their own intervals and paces quite quickly. This was just masses of people that I had keep finding ways around. I wanted to keep the brother in law in sight, since I knew my nephew was a good runner. I lost him in the crowd though and just did my own thing.

It was at at the end of the first mile when I could finally keep my own steady pace and the crowd had thinned. I just kept pounding away, my legs feeling good, by breathing steady. At the end of the second mile I was feeling parched, I was so happy to see the water stand. I just kept going, my pace starting to slow. I picked someone who was going about my pace and stuck with them, it helps to keep your mind occupied on something else I think.

At about the two and quarter mile mark, my knee was really starting to bother me, so yes, I had to walk to stretch it some. I only walked about a minute, I told myself, just to that corner there, and I did. I rounded the corner and just kept going. I hadn't seen anyone else I knew at all, so I wasn't catching or being caught by anyone it seemed.

I got to the finish in a time of 26:40, not bad for a guy who's not a regular runner I think. Turns out, the brother in law was only 30 seconds in front of me. His son did it in a bit over 23 minutes, damn kids have all the energy. My wife finished in just under 30, which she was quite happy with. All in all, it was not too bad for my first 5K.

Hi all, remember me? I know its been a while since I've posted anything, it's just felt hectic and I've not had anything to write about. This past week has been a bit of a low for me, I think just an avalanche effect of sorts. We had a death on the wife's side this past week, work has been a pain in the fucking ass with the boss out for a few days and me putting in extra hours, traffic has been ridiculous damn near every morning and night, the kid was sick and my wife is now sick plus PMS'ing, and the weather is starting to change here already.

Enough of the complaining bullshit, yes there is more I could complain about, but I won't subject you to it. I just wanted to say that I'm thankful for the great friends I've made and continue to keep. One has been a godsend for quite a while now, thank you to my photographer friend, while others are always there for a word of kindness or a hello.

“Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.” 
― Rumi



I'll attempt to leave you with a laugh then today....

New Grey Beginnings

A cold steel grey greets this morning on the bay.

As the sun tries to burn away last nights remnants and decay.

A new day dawns, forgetful of the last,


no reason to dwell on the sadness in the past.


                          W

Boats, Bikini's, and Flirts...a week in review

I was reflecting back on the last week and it struck me that it was quite out of the norm for me.


Last Friday I was working and the Xenon light kit I've had on order for four months finally came in. The guy I ordered them from asked me to throw him the key and he installed them that day for me. (The picture is with the new one on the right showing the difference between the new and old.) With both of them installed, I have to say, I love how much light they throw at night, and I still have two high beams when I need them. Well worth the investment. I thought this was probably as good as it gets for me.

Saturday, I had a fishing trip planned with a few friends. I can tell you there was very little fishing, about 15 minutes worth, if even that. What sucked about it was no one was ready. I left the house at 8:30 to meet two friends a half hour away, got there, one was late. From there we had to go to the guy with the boat, another half hour away. He doesn't have the boat, its in another town, we have to go get that. So we get the boat and then its about 45 minutes to the bay. Once there, there's a line of boats waiting to put in. Ends up, we don't hit the ocean till about 12:30. 

So we're out on the open water around 1:30, bait a few hooks, and start trolling. That lasted all of five minutes before the guy who owns the boat says, hey there's this thing going on over in Portuguese cove called aquapalouza, you guys want to check it out? Sure, fine by us. We motor over there and end up tying up to another boat with his friends. There has to be at least 150 boats out there, grouped together in all different numbers, and at least five state police and two coast guard boats keeping watch. So we broke out the drinks and just took it easy. I jumped off the bow once for a swim, damn was it cold. 


One guy tied up with us has a jet ski and was letting people try it out, not wise I think with a 215 horse motor in the thing. Another guy ends up coming back with two girls on the thing and says to the owner of it, hey T, these girls need a ride back to their boat, and then jumps off. T takes them out for a blast and comes back a while later saying how the girls boyfriends asked him if he fucked them, because that was ok with them. He told them no, I'm all set with that and came back to our boats. I never know what to believe when you hear stuff like this, true or BS?


About an hour later, T ends up coming back with a guy and girl, the guy is a friend of his, and the girl his girlfriend. They hop on board our boat and start chatting away. So five of us are just hanging, drinking, listing to the music as this girl starts just waging her ass at us in her little bikini. Now believe me, I'm not complaining, but I did find it odd that she's doing this while her boyfriend is right there. My friend and I were in total agreement that she was flaunting herself on purpose. At one point, she leans over in front of us to look in the lower cabin, then pushes her ass up in the air. Yes, I was looking, as were the other guys on the boat. The rest of the afternoon seemed tame from then on.


We headed back in around six, and had to put up with the same routine again, waiting to get the boat out, then all the stops on my return trip home. My wife was pissed, not so much that I was out the whole day, but the fact that I didn't check my phone till about five. It was under in the little cabin, where we put everything to keep dry. So when I got home at 9:30, she was already behind a closed door in the spare bedroom. I showered and crashed myself. Lets just say that there was some arguing Sunday, enough that my little one asked why mommy was yelling at daddy. I had all I could do not to laugh. 

What else, lets see. Ah yes, my wife started this "couch to 5k" and she wants me to do it with her. I've done it twice this week, but I'm a bicyclist at heart, not a runner. I'm still faster and in better shape it seems, I can thank my cyclist lungs for that.


I had a good photographer friend of mine in slight crisis earlier in the week, thankfully things have worked out there as well.


Then there was yesterday. I had the day off and was getting a bunch of odds and ends done when I decided to get my hair cut. I figured I'd try this place close to my house since it was open and the sign said they took walk-ins. This woman takes me right in as there's not another soul to be seen. I sit down and she sees my tat, she loves it she says. She tells me she has a few herself, but keeps them hidden. This woman can talk, and she talks like a man. At one point she was telling me about an older friend of hers who she told not to get involved with "crazy bitches", their not worth it. I heard all about her interest, her daughter, what she likes to do in her free time, and she got much the same from me. She seemed really cool, I'd tell you all more, but I don't want to bore you with all the banter. At this point I'm not sure if she is flirting or really wants the repeat business. Whatever, it was nice to hear a woman who sounded like many bloggers out here, she didn't censor herself at all. When she was done, she hoped I was happy with the cut and proceed to give me a card with her name and hand wrote all the hours she is there on the back for me. So how about some opinions on this? Was she flirting or just looking for the repeat business and a good tip?


Forgive my long windedness rambling, sometimes I just can't stop my fingers. See what happens when I don't post for a while.

Yea, I don't think its reading right, no way was it that fucking hot...

The Pains of Sleep

A new favorite of mine.


"Ere on my bed my limbs I lay,
It hath not been my use to pray
With moving lips or bended knees;
But silently, by slow degrees,
My spirit I to Love compose,
In humble trust mine eyelids close,
With reverential resignation,
No wish conceived, no thought expressed,
Only a sense of supplication;
A sense o'er all my soul impressed
That I am weak, yet not unblessed,
Since in me, round me, every where
Eternal strength and wisdom are.

But yester-night I prayed aloud
In anguish and in agony,
Up-starting from the fiendish crowd
Of shapes and thoughts that tortured me:
A lurid light, a trampling throng,
Sense of intolerable wrong,
And whom I scorned, those only strong!
Thirst of revenge, the powerless will
Still baffled, and yet burning still!
Desire with loathing strangely mixed
On wild or hateful objects fixed.
Fantastic passions! maddening brawl!
And shame and terror over all!
Deeds to be hid which were not hid,
Which all confused I could not know
Whether I suffered, or I did:
For all seemed guilt, remorse or woe,
My own or others still the same
Life-stifling fear, soul-stifling shame.

So two nights passed: the night's dismay
Saddened and stunned the coming day.
Sleep, the wide blessing, seemed to me
Distemper's worst calamity.
The third night, when my own loud scream
Had waked me from the fiendish dream,
O'ercome with sufferings strange and wild,
I wept as I had been a child;
And having thus by tears subdued
My anguish to a milder mood,
Such punishments, I said, were due
To natures deepliest stained with sin, - 
For aye entempesting anew
The unfathomable hell within
The horror of their deeds to view,
To know and loathe, yet wish and do!
Such griefs with such men well agree,
But wherefore, wherefore fall on me?
To be beloved is all I need,
And whom I love, I love indeed."


                   Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Consumed in silence

The night was perfect, not to warm after a hot day. The air coming off the front of the motorcycle was just enough to cool, without making one cold. The headlights make their marks on the road ahead, a preview to what lay ahead, but not what he was looking forward to. What he wanted had her arms wrapped around him, holding on tight against the wind. He could feel her hands on his body as they rode along that dark ribbon in the night. Thankfully, his destination was not to much further away. Not knowing if it was her mind, or the vibrations from the bike getting to her, her hands kept traveling between his legs, grabbing through his jeans, "not much further and your mine" he muttered into his helmet.

Her teasing continued for what seemed like an agonizing eternity before he got to the secluded spot he was looking for. He shut the engine down and they removed their helmets, the absolute quiet took them both by surprise. He told her to stay in her seat as he got off and turned around to face her. He pulled her by the back of her neck, his lips meeting hers, his tongue searching, probing, as his fingers laced in her hair. They both pull at each others clothing, zippers drawn down and jackets pealed off. Her shirt is over her head in an instant as he kisses his way down her neck, down the middle of her chest. Her bra is discarded as quickly as the rest, his mouth finding a nipple and sucking, hard. His hand on the other, pinching and tugging at the nipple. She throws her head back, loving the pressure, above her, nothing but the bright moon and stars.

He tells her to get off the bike and helps her down, he needs more flesh to feast on. She's on her feet with her back to him, his mouth on her neck as he unbuttons her jeans and slides them down her legs. He tells her to bend over the bike, his hands instantly on her ass, a hand running up between her thighs to find just how wet she is, she doesn't disappoint. He slides his hand back and fourth over he swollen lips, her clit as hard as he is. He pushes his thumb into her, his palm and fingers continuing to rub her clit as he moves in and out. Her moans are the only thing breaking the silence of their surroundings. He gets down on his knees, his hand pulling at her ass cheek as he lightly licks at her ass. Her body bucks forward on the bike quickly, not expecting the added touch. It doesn't take long before she's pushing her ass back at him, driving his fingers and tongue deeper with every push. Her legs quiver with the approaching wave, he feels it building in her pussy, "yes baby, cum for me" he says. She cry's out with pleasure, forcing herself back at him as she cums. He wants her so badly, wants to just fuck her ass right now, but no, not yet.

He needs to feel that mouth on his cock. Needs to know if it feels as good as it looks, as good as he imagined. He moves around to the other side of the bike, she is still bent over it, her head low enough to take him. He unbuttons his jeans with one hand while the other takes her hair to one side of her head. She know's what he wants and she's wanted that cock in her mouth just as much. He takes his pants off, and moves right in front of her as she pops the tip into her waiting mouth, licking and sucking on just the head. His hand winds in her hair as he moves deeper into her, and she takes him effortlessly. She wants it all and knows he's not there yet, she reaches with her hands and grabs his ass, pulling him down her throat. She hears him gasp as he feels himself consumed. He pulls with more force now on her hair, fucking her mouth rapaciously. "Fuck, you feel so good baby" he whispers to the night air. "No, not like this" as he pulls himself free of her mouth. "I want your ass". She only answers with a smile and "mmmm" as he moves around behind her.

Her ass is still quite wet from the tongue lashing he gave it, but just for safe measure he slides into her soaked cunt first, covering himself with her juices. Reluctantly pulling out of her, he places himself at her ass and starts gently pushing, slowly, deliberately he sinks into her. He feels her holding her breath at first as he slides in, but she is quickly accommodating. He can't believe how good she feels and how much he's wanted this. He wants her to cum like this, buried in her ass, but she says "just fuck me".  In no time they have a good tempo going, his thrusting meet with her own. He grabs her hips with both hands, pounding into her, driving into her as deeply as he can. Her moaning raising his own desires, and he pushes one last time as he cums in her, holding himself sheathed in her, savoring the last remnants. 

He helps her stand up, her legs still shaking, and turns her to him, enveloping her in his arms. His lips touch hers again as tongues dance. He pulls away long enough to say "you are everything I imagined baby".



A special thanks to Kat, who culled all these sexy stories together for your reading pleasure. You can find more hot topics at her Blog, Prowling with Kat, (just hit the link). There's five more stories there you may find to your liking if your of a similar mind, and if you've read this far, I'm sure you are.