First ride

I think we completely skipped over spring here in the North East. We went from temps in the 40's, straight to the 80's since Friday. As you can tell though, the weather has been pretty fucked up everywhere, from the worse tornado's ever, to flooding, to unseasonal-able temps, high and low.

I was finally able to get out on my bicycle for the first time this season. The wife and I took a walk with the wee one and ended up walking 5 miles on one of those rails-to-trails roads. It was nice and quiet, hot but sunny and enjoyable, and the little one passed out for awhile. We headed home and the wife was complaining how hot it was and she just wanted to crash on the couch. I said fine, I'm going out for a bike ride.

I got all my stuff dusted off and ready to roll, stretched, and headed out. Yea, it was pretty damn hot, but it felt good to just be out, my legs pumping rhythmically on the pedals, the sun flitting through the trees, the wind in my face and rattling my jersey. My legs came back to form about 6 miles in, it took my lungs about the 10 mile mark before I was feeling good dancing in the saddle.

I was running low on water by about 20 miles and figured I should head back. I managed a respectable 25 miles, but a low average speed, those hills were killing me. Well, hopefully I'll get back to form soon.
One thing thats really killing now is my ass, damn saddle sore today. Oh well.

On the plus side, I did get a compliment from a passing car full of women. They yelled "nice ass" as they drove by. Those bike shorts hide nothing.

The stupidest question ever.

I've been thinking about this one for a while and it was brought up again in a recent conversation. Do you even have to ask the question? That's all that goes through my mind when I hear it, the whole .1658 seconds it takes to reach my brain. Really..., your asking me? Like your not going to know the answer?

I suppose your going to want to know what the stupidest question ever is? As soon as you hear it your going to say to yourselves, yea, your right, why even ask. Well, its...

Do you want a blowjob?

Who in their right fucking mind would say no? Because I'm sure as hell not going to. Which leads me to, do you even need an answer? Have I ever turned down a blowjob? Ever?... No, I haven't, nor do I plan on turning one down.

So, all I can think is, you must not really want to and your asking as if your doing it as a huge favor. Kinda takes the pleasure out of it for me. I don't know about you guys and girls, but I don't need to be asked.

Would it not be even better to just grab your guy, drag him to you and just do something? Like kissing him, grabbing his cock through his pants, whispering in his ear that you want to suck him off. Or maybe even just pulling him towards you as you sink to your knees and unzip his pants. I'm pretty sure us guys would all get the point. What is sexier than that? Its just such a hot visual for guys.

If you were my woman, would you want me to ask if you wanted to be licked until you came over and over? I don't think so, I'd just do it until you begged me to stop.

I'd like to hear your opinions on the matter. Any other guys been asked this question? How about you ladies, have you ever asked this, or are you the kind that just pulls her guy to her and gets down to business? I'm just curious if I the only one getting this fucked up question.

To Big To Fail

I just wanted to share this with you because I saw it last night and it is a great movie about the bank failures and government intervention.

Another date night.

We had another date night, last night, the wife and I. All I can say is I'm starting to hate these.

It started out fine, at three I dropped of my little one for a sleep over with her cousins, which she loves by the way. Lets just say she never shed a tear as I left, it was more of a "don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out" thing. From there, I made my way to the train station, as I would be meeting my wife in Boston. It was an uneventful ride, I read a magazine I'd brought with me and was listing to my iPod, it makes for a quick 45 minute trip to Back Bay.

I called her when I got in and asked her where to meet, she said in front of her building, no problem. At this point, its a beautiful 65 sunny degrees. The sights in town are great when the weather is good. I meet her out front and we proceed to a bar where we would be having some drinks with some of her coworkers. We arrived first, sat down outside, and had a drink while waiting for others to arrive. We were talking while waiting, no big deal. I had mentioned that I had heard from one of my brothers, even though he was not working last night (he tends bar at a nice restaurant in the Back Bay area), he was going to be in town too, so I texted him to let him know where we were. Four of her coworkers arrived about a half hour after we arrrive and we were all talking and drinking. Two of them had to leave after awhile, one who is her boss, actually picked up the tab for everyone, very cool of him. At this point we all moved inside as the temp is dropping fast and the wind is picking up. There are only four of us now and a few minutes later my brother walks in and joins us, nice, I haven't seen him for a few months. One of her coworker had his boyfriend meet us there as well. We were all having a good time and my brother had to leave to make a concert at the House of Blues. Soon after, we departed company and went our own way, with another of her bosses picking up the tab again for everyone.

The two of us started walking towards a nice little Irish pub thats a bit of a ways away planning on having dinner, we were both starving. Chatting, enjoying the sights (the women are dressed to kill at night in Boston), we made it to the restaurant. We got a table right away, which I was shocked at, its past 8 at this point. We order our food and drinks and have a nice dinner. She was done before I and not finishing her drink. I asked if she was ok, and she said she was getting a headache. The only thing that went through my mind at this point is, great, the excuses are already starting. We finish dinner and have a little while before the next train out of town. I wanted to find a bar that I've heard about, so we walked to that then had to head for the train. We get to the train, and she realizes that she read the scheduled wrong, the next train won't come for another hour and half. Great. Any chance of any kind of sex is gone, I know it.

I told her I don't want to sit in the train station, so we head out to walk around for awhile. About a half hour later, she is complaining about her feet hurting, now she has a blister. My mind has already written the rest of the night off at this point, so I'm just trying to enjoy the walk. Were heading back for the train, still to early. Sitting at the station, shes reading a book, so I listen to my music, waiting for that 45 minute ride home. A ride where I try to bury my aggravation. We finally made it home by about 11:30 and just go to bed.

Why is it I'm always going to bed sexually frustrated? Am I wrong to want, especially when we don't have the little one in the house for the night? I figured it would be a perfect time to let lose, she would not have to stifle those screams as she so often does. And yet, here we are again, another date night, another excuse. I'm growing so tired of these.

Sorry for the long post, I just had to vent, yet again.

The Story of O

I think I just read a book in the quickest time ever, well, at least for me.
I figured it had been quite a long time since I had last read "The Story Of O" by Pauline Reage, so now was a good a time as ever to re read it. I went out and bought a copy, figuring I may as well own one, and started reading it that night. Like any good book, you just get into it and constantly pick it up when ever you get the chance. The downside is, its over before you know it. It is a great book if your into D/s stuff. I think it was probably my first glimpse at this type of lifestyle and I've been curious ever since. Re-reading it, it's not as harsh as I seem to remember, but that was a long time ago for me. 

For anyone who has not heard of this book before, check it out, I don't think you'll be disappointed. If you like my fiction story's, you'll love this. It was published in 1955 and was considered an "erotic novel". Here is the Plot , taken from Wikipedia :

Published in French by Jean-Jacques Pauvert, Story of O is a tale of female submission about a beautiful Parisian fashion photographer, O, who is blindfolded, chained, whipped, branded, pierced, made to wear a mask, and taught to be constantly available for oral, vaginal, and anal intercourse. Despite her harsh treatment, O grants permission beforehand for everything that occurs, and her permission is consistently sought.

At the beginning of the story, O's lover, René, brings her to the château of Roissy, where she is trained to serve the men of an elite group. After this first period of training is finished, as a demonstration of their bond and his generosity, René hands O to Sir Stephen, a more dominant master. René wants O to learn to serve someone whom she does not love, and someone who does not love her. Over the course of this training, O falls in love with Sir Stephen and believes him to be in love with her as well. While her vain friend and lover, Jacqueline, is repulsed by O's chains and scars, O herself is proud of her condition as a willing slave. During the summer, Sir Stephen decides to move O to Samois, an old mansion solely inhabited by women for advanced training and body modifications related to submission. There she agrees to receive a branding and a labia piercing with rings marked with Sir Stephen's initials and insignia. At the climax, O appears as a slave, nude but for an owl-like mask, before a large party of guests who treat her solely as an object.

Quote

"I'm trying to scream but I can't breathe
Can anybody hear me?
I'm trying to dream but I can't sleep
Can anyone shield me?
I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself
My pride's in the shitter
But I --
Won't quit, never quit"
                      
                                             Taproot

Some follow up

I'm not sure what to say here but I figured you may be wondering what has happened in this past week.
Well, she read my letter and we talked. Yes, emotions were high, but she didn't just go on the defensive like I thought she would. It was a good start to be heard for a change, or at least it felt like it. We discussed some of the things that I was concerned about and she agreed with me on almost everything I wrote with the exception of feeling like "room mates".

She wanted to know why I was talking to her less again. I said, why should I bother when you don't seem to listen to me and you especially don't take me seriously when I bring up the subject of sex.  She says that she knew it was important but never acted like it was.

How was I supposed to feel when she was always saying how tired she was, and yet, she would go use the treadmill for an hour, or could stay up in bed to read a book or watch a movie but was not interested in having sex? Guess she wasn't that tired after all. How was I not supposed to feel slighted by this? Was I not supposed to feel unwanted or unattractive? How could I not?

That brought up the "its not you, its me" excuse. She just figured no big deal. She said that she did know sex was important to me but just didn't prioritize it in her head. She always thought she could just push it off till tomorrow, until it always started snowballing, and all the tomorrows turned into weeks.

She asked me if I would divorce her over this, and I told her yes. I think that really drove the point home on how serious I was and how unhappy I've been.

We have been talking more about everyday things and there has been some more sex, but things still seem off. I can't put my finger on it yet, but I know it's going to take an ongoing effort.

On the same note, I also told her that I don't want sex to seem like a chore, or something she has to feel obligated to do, because when it is, its no good for either of us. There have been those moments as well, and I'll tell you that there is nothing worse than sex with a partner that seems preoccupied. I don't like it at all, I don't know who would. I want to know a woman enjoys my company, whether it be moans, screams, or even soft touches, something is always better than nothing.

A letter to my wife

Well, I did it. I took most of the weekend not really talking much, just trying to collect my thoughts and what it was that was tearing me up inside. I ended up coming to work and I started typing things out that she needed to know were killing me. On and off for the day, in between work, I ended up with a page of what I wanted to say.

I got home, we fed the little one and ourselves, and went through the nightly routine. Once the wee one was down, my wife went downstairs to read while I took a shower. I was nervous all day about doing this but was convinced by the end of the weekend that it had to be done. I got dressed (Monday nights I'm usually out playing pool) and went down stairs with resolve in my heart and sweat in my hands.

She asked if I was going tonight since I was feeling ill most of the day, and I said it depends on the next few minutes. That got her attention. She sat up and I told her, "Its not going to be easy, but I started writing this to collect my thoughts, I figured it would be best to let you read it." I watched her eyes moving across the page, I could see the tears welling up. I saw her make it to the bottom of the page and scan it again. Her lip was quivering, I don't think in anger, but in a realization that everything I said was true. She said as much after, "nothing you wrote is wrong".

This is my letter to her, I thought I would share it with you too since we all see each others lives.:


I'm writing this because I can never seem to keep my words straight when dealing with emotions. I always feel so tongue tied, so forgive me for writing.

You asked me yesterday why I look so unhappy. I've been thinking about it a lot, and I don't think I am happy. 

You want me to tell you when something is bothering me but its so hard to because I don't want to upset you, I feel like I'm always trying to keep a balance. We had a talk about a year ago about our sex life, and I feel I made things worse between us and that you don't take me seriously when I talk about sex. I feel like it falls on deaf ears when you seem to hardly take what I had to say seriously. 

I'm not saying I'm not happy with our life, I think we do great for ourselves and we get along great. We have a beautiful little girl, a great house, and we don't want for much. 

I need to tell you that it feels like the roles have changed so much. We started out as friends and became lovers, we've become parents and everything takes a back seat to that, I understand that, but there is room for more. It feels like we are parents first, friends second, and lovers a distance third. I've told you before how much sex means to me, but its not just sex, its that feeling of desire, being wanted, being in the moment because you want to, not because you feel you have to. Again, its not like that all the time, we have had some great sex, but I feel guilty for wanting more, so I keep quiet. Its tearing me up keeping quiet though. I shouldn't feel guilty for wanting my wife so much but on the same token, I don't want to become a nagging pest. I've found that I'm not the only one that feels this way, there are so many other couples that deal with the same issues, I've read that the one who wants more, gets more upset as things progress and the one that does not, feels hounded when always being asked. I've tried so hard to back off and stop asking for more, but its affecting me.

I've grown so tired of wondering everyday if you'll want me that morning, that night, or maybe on the couch, or maybe something will happen if *** goes to sleep. I miss the passion, the taking time to explore each others body's, trying new things. Like a few weeks ago on the couch, you laid back with me burying four fingers in you was so fucking hot, you looked so sexy, the ecstasy washed over your face, I love seeing that on you. How can we do it more? Have I grown unattractive to you? Am I too predictable? Do you want something else? 

I'm coming to accept that I'm a very sexual person, and I need to stop feeling guilty for being so. I want more for us, to be open to explore more things, try new things, to get some more excitement back. I want more, I need more.

I need to know what I can do to fix things or if I can even fix things. I feel so lost, I don't know what to do other than to talk to you. I'm tired of hiding who I am. I feel like we've become room mates with benifits, more than a passionate, loving husband and wife. If I'm to blame for that, then I need to know. I know this is going to be upsetting to hear, but it needs to be done. Please talk to me when your ready, if you need time to think about things then fine, tell me.