I lost myself

Who am I? I was really beginning to think I was the sole reason for my wife's decreasing libido, which set off some changes in me. I couldn't help but think I had lost my physical appeal, I've always been active but had gained a little weight, I was up to 185lbs. Towards the end of last year I found an acquaintance selling her Bowflex gym, I thought that would be a great start. I used it religiously for eight weeks straight, three times a week, and could not believe the difference in my upper body strength and mass gains. I have always had good leg strength due to a lot of bicycling during the warmer months here in the northeast. The only response I heard was "your arms are getting bigger". I lost my will power and have not used the machine since, though I plan to start anew Monday. I still do at least 50-100 push ups and 30-60 pull ups a day just to keep tone.

So started the second part to my body work, watching what I eat. I had become complacent and was eating too much junk. I stopped eating food off the coffee truck at work, no more add-ons when getting coffee in the morning, and cut back on the fast food and take out for lunch. I also have become aware of controlling my portions, no need for second helpings. I'm happy to say my weight has been holding steady, I'm now a consistent 167 lbs at 6'1" and have never felt better physically in years. Now, if I could only get that six pack to come out from behind all those Captain and Cokes.

Since early this year I have been talking with my wife about our intimacy issues and found out it had noting to do with me, thought it sure effects me. We are trying to work through things but it still has not been easy. One of the hardest things I've done is having to tell her I feel completely unwanted by her lack of need or desire. It hit her hard, she was thinking it was no big deal that I wouldn't even miss it. Are you kidding me, I had thought that a well educated women would think more clearly than that. Then again, we are both well educated people and can't seem to talk to each other about what bothers us most of the time. Maybe we both got to complacent in that department but it needs to be fixed, at least I know now it was not a physical repulsion. It would sure feel nice to feel wanted again, I truly do miss it...

Alt Play

I've been researching BDSM for a little while now, sorry the eternal student in me and my thirst for knowledge, and I've become more and more attracted to many of the ideals. I can probably thank most of you out there for piquing my interest again with all of you great stories. I have read The story of O and many other novels with similar subject matter and have always been corrupted by the power and beauty. I've only scratched the surface, if you will, with some spanking and nipple clamp play with my wife, but the the desire for more has me quite curious. Some of the mental images conjured by your post have been extremely arousing to say the least. I am interested in much more than just basic play at this point and would really like to try more but I'm not sure where to start. The idea of having a submissive is quite a turn on for me. Unfortunately I don't see my wife wanting to go any further than we already have in the past, especially since her sex drive has gone way down in the past year or two, which has probably been the catalyst for many of my recent mental issues (sorry, not your problem, back on point).

Its funny that as I write this, I will occasionally check out craigslist just to see what is out there, and I find an ad today that has me so tempted. It was an ad from a woman who wants to have her throat fucked and has until this point been unsuccessful in finding a willing partner, I find that hard to believe. Anyhow, if it sounds to good to be true it must be, right? I just found this to be something I really want to do and can't get the images out of my head today. Just thought I would share.

My R1

Just got it running again, been sitting all winter hidden under the cover in the garage with a dead battery. Can't wait to ride again. Looking forward to some knee down cornering for a little excitement in my dull life.

Desire

What is it about all the women out there and their ability to cause such a stir in the male of the species, to awaken our desires? Is it the physical attraction, the emotional appeal, the tactile sensations? I must say its a bit of everything since one usually leads to another.

Much of the time it starts with the physical. That look you get sometimes, those penetrating eyes, the smooth supple skin, the incredible hair, the pursed full lips, a great smile. Then you work your way to the whole package, the sexy come hither dress, long luscious legs wrapped in tall black healed boots, an ass you could smack all night, and cleavage that causes the mind to wander into even more wanton lustful desires. You want to get closer, but you know she's out of you league. You try to stop looking but your caught, your head bows in embarrassment because you know the lust is clearly written across you face.

Then there's that emotional stage where you really get to know someone. You learn commonalities, dislikes, actions, and emotions. Blinded by the bad, but sooo attracted to the good. It makes the yearning deeper, they become more desirable to the minds eye. You start to learn every little nuance, almost as if your reading their mind. I said almost, because it would alleviate so much confusion if we could know your every desire. The emotional connection brings with it an elation to all the other wants and needs that must be fulfilled.

The sensory paradise of touch overwhelms, to feel that smooth skin, the hair and lips that brush against me. To know absolute longing, the agony of anticipation at the next touch, what is to come next. Your hand rest lightly on my arm as you lean in and our lips touch. The softness as your lips part, give way to you own inner urges, you hands pull me in closer to your warmth. My hand in you hair on the back of your head returning your urgency. Hands roaming each other, first over, then under clothing. The heat between us rising, our blood boiling. The caresses sending shudders through us both. Never enough, always wanting more. Heading to new heights of ecstasy.

You women really do hold all the power over us...

Quicky

I have a bit of writers block going on, not sure what to cover next. Just feeling a bit overwhelmed latley and don't want to come off as whiner. Just wanted to thank Grey for the chat last week, helping me clear some thoughts. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

TMI Tuesday #233

1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story?
Super sexy on a woman, especially in a skirt or summer dress. No good stories,but I definitely seem to get more crotch looks when going commando in a nice set of pants.
2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?
There is never enough foreplay, it just gets hotter and hotter.
3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is you are giving? Equally ewwwww?
I absolutely love giving and receiving. Something about making someone writhe under you tongue.
4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running?
The first just gets me going, now if I could only get my other half to agree.
5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too." or "Just get in the shower and go to work."
Hell ya, lets do it in the shower..

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name?
Sorry, I'm boring, no on both counts.

Flesh Fiction

It started like any other day, the commute, lots of traffic, and the ever incessant inching closer to the daily grind. It can only get better from here, right? Well , if I only knew what the day had in store.

It was an innocent enough request, could I help her move a table to her apartment, we could do during lunch break. You get used to these kind of request when you own a truck. So its about twelve thirty when she says "you ready". Sure, lets go. We load the table in the truck and head out, her apartment is only about ten minutes away. The whole ride there I can't stop glancing at her legs tightly wrapped in the black dress pants, and the exposed flesh peaking above when her shirt rides slightly up her back.

We get to her place and I unload the table and follow her to the second floor apartment. We move the table into place and she loves it, "perfect fit" she says. She pulls half of a blunt out of the ashtray and lights it as she starts to pick up some stuff around the apartment. She proceeds into the bedroom which is directly across from me sitting there in the couch, I can't stop staring at that incredible body. I get up and cross the room to her while we are talking and ask if she minds sharing some of that blunt. We continue talking while I get a good look around the inner sanctum, the cloths piled everywhere, I can't help noticing the thongs haphazardly spread over a basket. We head back to the living room and sit down couch to finish the blunt. Then things got interesting.

She looks me directly in the eyes and says "you think I don't notice the way you look at me, with such intensity, how quickly you try to look away when I catch you?" There's seduction in those brown orbs and I'm being drawn in mercilessly as our faces get closer. Our lips meet and part as our tongues explore each others mouths, I can't help but be overwhelmed by my senses, her smell, the warmth of her body against mine, her hand slowing making is way up my inner thigh. The sensory overload along with the anticipation has my heart pounding in my chest, I'm already straining against my pants for release. My arms envelop her, pulling her against me just as her hand encloses me through my pants and feels how excited she has me. She says "I've wanted you for the longest time" as she is unbuckling my belt.

In no time she has my dick in her hands as she moves to the floor, I reluctantly remove my own exploring hands from her. On her knees she removes my pants completely as her head makes its way to me, she just puts the head of my dick in her mouth and looks up with those charcoal rimmed brown eyes, the sight is just so hot that I'm shaking with the anticipation of what is to come. She keeps those eyes on me as she continues to take the rest of me into her mouth, working slowly at first, using both her hands like I've only seen in movies. She is moaning ever so slightly, I'm surprised I can even hear it the way my heart is pounding in my chest, but I can certainly feel it. Its such a euphoric feeling that I don't want to end but I want her.


I tell her to stand up in front of me, my hand on her hips moving her shirt up over her head, exposing a beautiful set of tits just dying to be released from that red satin bra. I'm more than happy to oblige. I have both tits in my hand as I slowly start licking and sucking, she starts moaning in pleasure again. I move my hand to the waist band of her pants, pulling them off to reveal the matching red thong, never taking my mouth of her chest. I must be hard as steel, I so turned on. My hands run over that alabaster skin, over the ass I been eying for so long. I can't take it any more, I have to see if she is as turned on as me. I rub her pussy through the thin fabric and her moans get stronger, with one pull that thong hits the floor. My finger slides into her with barely any resistance, shes so wet. I still can't believe this is happening.

She pushes me back onto the couch and puts a leg on either side of me, rubbing my cock against her now wet entrance. In one shot she has me buried to the hilt. She feels so incredible, I'm quite impressed I did not blow it because I've wanted this for so long. I cup her ass, controlling the speed, I just want to so enjoy this. We start kissing again, our tempo matched only by our beating chest. She starts riding me really hard, next thing I know she says shes cumming, her whole body convulsing in pleasure. I can't help but smile knowing I helped cause that.

When she has settled down, I tell her to get on her hands and knees on the couch. She know exactly what to do, one hand on the back of the couch the other on her own ass looking back at me. She says, "I want you to fuck me". I guide my still throbbing cock into her hot pussy. Its so fucking sexy the way she keeps looking back at me over her shoulder, the lustful look on her face. I love seeing that tramp stamp above my cock sliding in and our of her. She says to me again "come on, fuck me harder", I'm more than happy to. I can't take much more, the sensory overload, with the final thrust I shoot my load deep inside her.

My mind is still reeling over what has just happened, I can't believe it. I'm waiting to wake up, for this to be some kind of cruel joke. It's not. She slowly moves forward releasing me from that magical box. We are both in shock, neither one of us saying anything for a minute. We have to get back to work, we put ourselves back together and jump back into the truck and head back. I just turned to her and sad "wow". She give me a knowing smile and says "there's more where that came from."

"The deception you chose is you own parasite"

Those who know me always say that I don't show any emotion, if they only knew the tempest raging inside me. Men are supposed to be rocks, right, unreadable and stoic. But there really is so much more beneath the surface, not everyone is as they seem. Sometimes it gets so hard to hold everything in, and I only do so because usually when I do try to get things out in the open, its not always to the desired effect. I must say that blogging has been a great outlet, its nice to be able to share and not be judged. Everyone who has left comments has been positive and supportive, and it is greatly appreciated.

Lately there is so much inner turmoil, anger, hate, love, jealousy, longing, desire, passion, frustration, compassion. Its eating me up inside, swinging from one extreme to the other. I just don't know where to direct it most times, I think that is why I've been trying to redirect it into other activities, trying to keep my mind from imploding. Those diversions are not working like they used to, that raging tempest just keep churning.

Minx

You wicked little minx...

How ironic that after reading a fellow bloggers post about using sexuality, that I should happen upon this past Fridays experience. The object of my desires decides she is going to change at work before leaving (we do have a loose dress code of black pants and polo or company related shirt), though I'm pretty sure she was going home anyway. She comes back into the department wearing a form fitting tank top and the tightest fucking jeans I have ever seen on a woman. Of course there is also the yellow bra that goes with the matching thong ever so slightly sticking above the top of that fine ass. I'm actually dumb struck at how hot she looks like this and am speechless for at least thirty seconds while trying to compose myself. There are only about 5-10 minutes left in the day, but boy did she make the most of them. I really do think this was intentional, she was walking around showing of the assets and at one point is bending over in front of me saying something, for the life of me I don't know what, all I was doing is taking in the great view down her shirt.

How am I not supposed to look, never mind try not to stare. She must know the kind of effect she has on guys when she does this, or am I being naive. Is she just fucking with my head, she knows I think she is attractive, but I don't think she has any idea how bad I want to fuck her. This is not helping matters in the least.

May I also add that this comes on the heals of her telling me she has a fuck buddy. I'm SO jealous of this lucky SOB. Maybe I should not be so jealous because she also said all she does is watch the clock during the apparent non event, guess she picked the wrong FB. The closer we get to each other, the more she makes me want her.

Needless to say its been a mind bending weekend in my head. My will is being tested to its limits. I'm sure there will be more to follow.

"Sitting in the dark I can't forget, even now I realize the time we'll never get, another story of the pinnacles of fate."