Lost

I have to do this, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I've gone too long putting this off, maybe it is the fear of what will happen, that fear of the unknown, or maybe its the fear of loosing everything I've built up in my life to this point.

I'm tired of feeling like sex has become a chore for my wife, thats not to say that there haven't been some high points, because there have been. It's just I want more, I want to experience more, try new things, that she can not, or will not do. I've tried having a talk about our sex life about a year ago, and the result, sex is now less frequent and I don't think she ever considered what I had to say. I feel so stuck in a life thats on repeat, the same thing over and over. It makes me question if I will ever be happy even if I get what I want.

I've been thinking about it a lot the last few days. Why is it I feel guilty about wanting more? Why do I feel like I'm being greedy and selfish for wanting more? How do I shatter the last 20 years of my life over something I know she thinks is less important than a comfortable life? Will she hate me for destroying what she thought was a happy life?

I woke the little one up this morning, she crawled into my lap on the floor and just snuggled into me. I just sat and held her, and kept telling her how much I love her, and I cried.

Signed, one really lost W.