For me, it was the usual, a lack of sex and intimacy. Her finding ways to avoid me, or being to tired, or too busy, it's always something. She asked if it got better after our last conversation, yea, for like two weeks.
I've been thinking a lot lately if this is the life I want to live, drowning in my head, suffering in silence for my daughter. I've heard and read from many others that its not worth burying yourself for it. I love my little girl unconditionally, but I'm in pain.I don't feel the passion anymore in our relationship. I want more than I think she is willing to give. As she admitted to me last night, "even if we had sex every night, you wouldn't be happy". And I said, no, probably not. I'm tired of not feeling wanted physically, I'm tired of rejection, I'm tired of feeling like a outcast in my own home. She turned to me and said "do you think we are going to make it". I just don't know. She said "don't you think it's worth fighting for" and I said that's what I thought I've been doing.
The more I think about it, the more I'm loosing ground. I realize how unhappy I am and have not done anything about it until now. It feels good to get it out to her, but it hurts because I think I'm the one ending our marriage. I have always worried about making others happy, usually to my own detriment, that has to end. I want to be happy.
She would like to try counselling again, I truly don't know if it will do any good. I feel the courses of our lives have shifted to much.
"Time is a friend or an enemy of a soul who longs to be free."
Maria
So many opinions on that topic, and I can only say that I half-know how you feel. Discussing is always a good step towards something - whatever that something is.
ReplyDeleteYou need to know you have done everything you can; but you also need to know when you have done everything you can.
ReplyDeleteA someone who was once a little girl, the apple of her daddy's eye, growing up in a household like the one you describe; I honestly don't think my parents did my brother or I any favours by staying together. Neither of us now has a good idea what a healthy relationship is, nor how to respect our own rights and boundaries with a relationship.
Whatever you decide, you know you have support out here in ether.
basinah, those are wise words.
ReplyDeletei hated the yelling + then the silence that ensued.
but in my family, divorce was unheard of, + often in my culture, spouses suffered needlessly than face the shame of being divorced.
i have had deep abandonment issues because of my parents relationship with each other. so many nights, i wish they would just end the marriage bc them staying together for us kids was detrimental to our perception of relationships.
as an adult, my inner child still makes an appearance when im with a man.
w, i wonder if your wife is truly happy. and your little girl is perceptive, im sure, so she knows that something isnt right.
good luck during these times.
oh, + that photo is amazing. antelope canyon is on my photo bucket list of places to shoot.
ReplyDeletethe history of the place is sacred.
I think it is important to exhaust every option before making the final call here. To know you did everything in your power. So many of us out here are hurting...I am truly sorry for your pain.
ReplyDeleteI just want to thank you all for taking the time to comment. It has been a difficult time as of late and I have a lot of thinking to do. I'm so tired.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I have no experience or insight really but I do know that you love your little girl and whether you and your wife divorce or not, your little munchkin will still be loved by you just as much. Many children don't have that. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI feel bad for you but please know that you are not alone. It's interesting because this could have been one of my posts. Your wife and my husband seem like they are the same person. My husband finds the excuses, etc and then when we do it, it's like he is saying "there, are you happy? That should shut you up for at least a week."
ReplyDeleteThe one thing you have going for you is that you have a dialogue going with your wife. I have given up on the dialogue because as you said, in my case what's the point if the passion is not there. I have chosen to stay in my marriage and live a secret life. It's not too bad really and for me it is necessary. I wish you luck. Hang in there.