Well, my wife received a bit of a reality slap last week. We heard from her family that her brother is getting a divorce. He is in his late twenty's and has been married for about eight years. He is career military man, been in the Marine Corp since exiting high school. He is also the father of three children. Apparently his wife has been seeing a guy on the side for the last half year. She admitted to it after hearing from his children that "so and so did this with us today", etc.
I fully understand how people grow apart, I'm not one to judge believe me. It just seems that military marriages are even more difficult than most, a lot of time away from family on leaves puts that much more strain on the other half. What surprises me about this is that he has not been on leave for quite some time, so this has all happened while he has been around. And he worships the ground she walks on, its kind of sickening to see from this hard core Jarhead. He has been lucky to have been able to stay in California for much of his career, being a Drill Instructor for a few years does have its advantages.
I am interested to see what kind of effect this is going to have on my wife and our marriage. Lately it has seemed like she has had blinders on to our relationship, just set the cruse control and pay no attention. I've been feeling like a mental crutch lately, just there for the emotional support. I wonder if this will open her eyes at all to just what can and does happen when things don't work.
That is sad. But like you said, people grow apart or just have different needs that the other cannot adjust to.
ReplyDeleteI hope it opens her eyes in the right way. For your sake. Hope she sees that she needs to take care of the man that loves her in all ways!
ReplyDeleteI had my kids tell me a similar thing. I was working nights because daddy wanted a huge house and a boat. I did not want the kids in daycare so I worked nights and watched the kids till he got home and then went in. The kids were fed, bathed and ready for bed. His dinner was always hot and waiting. The house was always spotless, bills were paid,shopping and laundry ironed and done. It was very rough I got less than an hours sleep at night. He complained. I was hurt by that. And then I heard that daddy was having sleep overs. Devastation does not begin to cover it. I feel for him. And you. My dad told me something the first time he cheated on me. We had been married for 4 years at the time and he went to California for a few weeks. I knew something had happened and he finally confessed. But my dad said "if you have an apple that has a bruise, you cut the bruise out and eat the apple. If you have an apple that is rotten to the core, then,, you throw it away". I chose to cut the bruise out of our marriage and we lasted another 9 years and two daughters later. For what it's worth, I am glad I FOUGHT to keep it going as long as I could. I will never doubt my heart tried to do the right thing and fight for a family that was worth fighting for. If it's worth the fight, prove it. My dad was harsh but wise. Find happiness..You deserve it!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to say how your wife will react. When I found out that my brother was having an affair, at first I was surprised and sad for his family. At the same time, I also felt some envy that he was out there enjoying and finding love, while I was trying to nurture a dying marriage. I can't say that's why I started having affairs, but I'm sure it did change my opinion about the whole idea at least a little.
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