I was reading a blog that I've come to enjoy and she touched upon something that is quite close to the truth for me, that lack of Christmas spirit. I felt compelled to write a bit about it. 

We all know it's the Christmas season, I mean, how could you miss it, the big advertisement rush starts after fucking Halloween now. I guess I'm just not feeling in the spirit either. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing the excitement in my little one, the whole prospect of Santa coming has her asking every night when. My mood has been like this for quite a few years now, at some point during my marriage Christmas lost its luster. Not having enough money for this or that put a damper on our ability to give, and yet I always saw her spending on other things. I always liked the idea of giving and seeing the joy on that persons face at a surprise or something you knew they wanted. My wife is still so into the decorating and making the house Christmasized. She starts right after Thanksgiving with the decorating, got to have the tree up as soon as she can. I often wonder now if its more the trappings of season she enjoys, though she is a good Irish Catholic girl, very good about going to mass, how the fuck she wound up with me, we'll never know. She has rubbed off on M too, she can pick out baby Jesus from the nativity and knows its his birthday. I do things with both my wife and daughter though, I'll not be a Grinch that ruins things for them, I grin and bear it.

The other night after I got in from work, we took a trip about a half-hour north to see a mansion that goes all out with the Christmas lights. We got close and sat in the line of traffic waiting to get in for what wound up to be an hour and a half. After about 45 minutes sitting there, my wife asked if we should turn around, I was thinking fuck no, not after waiting this long. My poor little one was patient sitting in the back of the car as we inched forward, finally the dreaded words came out, "I need to pee". Shit. Were on a snaking back-road with lines of cars in front and behind. My wife grabbed her, opened the back door on the passenger side, and took M in front of it so she could pee. Thankfully, it was quick and the car behind was nice enough to turn their lights off. After finally getting there, I have to say, it was a let down, certainly not worth the time it took to get in and drive through it. M liked it at least and she passed out within 10 minutes of leaving there and slept the rest of the ride home. 

I don't know exactly when I lost the spirit, but my faith was shaken years ago and I don't really identify with the commercial aspect of the season either, I guess that leaves me in a shaky middle ground. My glasses are no longer rose colored. 

I'll do whatever I can to make my little one happy though, I keep my wife happy too by doing the things she likes and keeping my mouth shut. I can't even count how many Christmas movies, shows, and events I've seen or been to this season, but I will continue to keep the peace for those that still believe and have the spirit. When I wish you a Merry Christmas, I mean it, my lack of faith has nothing to do with you enjoying yours and I'll continue to experience the joy through the eyes of my little one. 

I truly hope everyone out there has a safe and happy Christmas. 

W

Buzzes, movies, and art..........Kinda

A few things to touch on today. One, I'm still dealing with this fucking headache, but it's thankfully not the full on migraine anymore. It is definitely the first time I had one last this long, three damn days now.

There have been some developments with a good friend of mine and I that has me running through a roller coaster of emotions the past two days. There's been anger, pain, compassion, hurt, love, perseverance, understanding, care, frustration, jealousy, happiness, and tears. But as always, its better after talking things trough, and we become even closer in a relationship that just can't be quantified.

Last night I went to pick up the little one from day care and when I got there, she saw me and cried, "I don't want daddy" and didn't want to come near me. That just warms the cockles of your heart, doesn't it? She apparently wasn't ready to come home. It took two different teachers to convince her that her friends were leaving soon too. As an aside, there is a new teacher there that is incredibly attractive and I have a hard time keeping my eyes from wandering towards her. Anyway, got the little one home, fed, gave her a bath, ready for bed, let her watch some TV and stay up late while waiting for a tardy mom to get home. I spent that time fixing a faulty printer diver which took way too long, but its fixed. Mom got home, we put the little one down, I showered and went back downstairs to watch a Netflix movie that I've been sitting on for a few weeks now. In the process of watching Unstoppable, I had a few too many drinks and was feeling pretty damn good by the end. I must say it was a really good movie. And the buzz actually really helped my head too, bonus. (I put the trailer for the movie below)

What else is there, ah yes, I've officially been commissioned for some art work, it was actually a few weeks ago, but I need to really get working on it. I've been mulling some ideas over in my head, but have yet to put pencil to sketch pad. It is one of my wife's cousins who wants me to come up with a patch for his motorcycle organization. They would make me a member even though I'm "too fast and hard core" for their type of group. Frankly, the fact that I've hit 167 MPH on my bike scared the shit out of him, but he said after much debate among the admission committee over my need for speed, he was able to intervene on my behalf. Considering the group consist of about five guys who ride cruisers, most of whom I know, it was pretty damn funny. What do you expect from a group that named themselves "The Candy Ass Posers", now you know why my admission is purely on my artistic ability's and familial relationship as I certainly don't fit the criteria of a poser on a my bike.

I guess that's all for now, have a good weekend my friends.


"Maybe one day I'll be an honest man
Up till now I'm doing the best I can
Long roads.Long days, of sunrise, to sunset
Sunrise to sunset

Dream on brothers while you can
Dream on sisters I hope you will find the one
All of our lives, covered up quickly by the tides of time"
                                             Dickinson/Gers

A few things

There is something quite sexy about body jewelry. I love how it can add to the beautiful curves or how it plays with and contrast against a woman's skin. It's sensual and erotic, naughty yet nice, all at the same time. Just a few examples I came across that I love...

Other times it can just be these great little things that make a huge impact on the look, bringing sexy to the forefront. The small thong with the cute garter and stockings, stockings always equal hot!!!!

There is no mistaking presentation though. Fully clothed or naked as can be, ready for hot sweaty sex, attitude and the look always make a huge impact.

Have I told you I hate Migraines? I do, I really do. I have one now that's fucking killing me and does not seem to want to completely go away. At least I can see enough to read and type again but it has made for a difficult few hours at work. I did get a break and drove down to the beach to try and get some quiet, I think that helped. I just wish these meds were stronger, I think I'm going to have to have a discussion with Doc about that.

How about something to cheer you guys up then? Just a few I found on Tumblr.

Ok, well they make me feel better.

Nature's caresss

The rain is falling outside, steadily washing everything in sight. I step out into it, my first thought is to pick up the pace as the first drops hit. 

I don't.

I pick myself up, my head high, shoulders back and welcome the rain to my skin. It's cold as they strike my face. The touch is a tiny shock with each impact. I feel every drop, on my cheeks, in my hair, down the back of my neck.

Walking unwaveringly forward, I pull in a deep breath. The cold air burns as it races through me, feeling it travel down my throat, filling my lungs with its cleansing spirit.

I welcome the touches as one would a lovers. Savoring each sensation as it may be my last.

I have felt an inner peace in this moment, this slight slowing in time, if even for only a few seconds. I revel in nature's caress, for it is fleeting and gone before I can truly appreciate the gift accorded me.

Last weekend

Over the weekend the wife and I made a trek up to Cambridge. One of her cousins is a Priest that has been transferred recently to a prominent college there, lets just say it starts with a Har and ends with a vard. Yea, make sure you say it while looking down your nose at people you think your better than, because that's the attitude many of them have up there. I'll not say all do, but yes, many, and he agrees with me. The whole area has developed this elitist nature that's taken on a life of it's own. I can't help but wonder if that's where many Bostonian's get their attitudes from, that high concentration of elite schools in the area very well could effect the overall climate and give many this entitlement that I hate so much.

I learned that the school has a policy to buy any property's that come up for sale since prices have skyrocketed in the past few decades there and there is no free space for expansion. I only mention this because it did make me feel a bit out of place there, as there were many a sideways look while we were out. It doesn't bother me like it used to when I was younger, now I revel in my individuality. Maybe it was our jackets that were getting the looks as he's a Harley owner and had his riding jacket on with giant logos everywhere, and I happened to have my ridding jacket on as well with all the armor in (it makes me look a bit more broad).

It was a decent night overall, we hit a cool restaurant with some micro brews on tap and had a good dinner. We then went to another place where a scene from The Town was shot, cool movie by the way. No room there we moved onto another place just down the street with an outdoor patio and wood burning stove dead center. Had a few more drinks and decided to call it a night. The ride home actually took longer than the ride in, surprisingly. It's nice to be able to get along with someone from her side so well. Anyway, you all know the rest of the story, how the nights end for me. 

Oh well, just felt like writing something, I didn't really have a point except hating the sense that entitlement.