Hurting

I've had my heart broken twice in as little as a day. First, was the slap I got across the face late yesterday afternoon when I went to pick up my little one. The teacher says to me, "oh hi, we need to talk", and she proceeds to pull a chair next to her so I can sit down. I've never had to have a "talk" with her. She then starts looking for a book because she had to write it all down. It turns out my little one had some devilish attitude in her yesterday. She started the morning by punching a classmate, no idea why, she just wound up and let loose on him. A little while later, the teacher had them in line for something, when she turned to look at the kids, mine had a boys cheek grasped in her fingers, leaving five little red marks on his face before she let go. Then, around lunch time, they were all eating and mine decided to spit on the kid next to her.

I sat there and listened to the charges like a death row inmate facing the chair. I couldn't believe my little girl would do all that. I was shocked and just looked at her across the way, playing like nothing ever happened. I'm embarrassed to even be having this conversation with the teacher. The only saving grace is the teacher knows that this is not normal for my M. She is usually very affectionate, always wanting to sit in the teachers lap, or be close to others. I'm hoping its just a one time thing. Never the less, we are reinforcing the ideas that she is not to touch anyone in a hurtful way and absolutely no spitting, ever. And of course there was the "Santa only comes to good kids houses."

The second hurt was a different kind this morning when I receive a text from my wife. I'm typically out of the house early and home late, so I sometimes don't get to spend much time with M. I'm at work this morning when the text comes through from my wife around 7:45. She says that M told her out of the blue that she misses daddy. My wife repeated it and M says "yea, a lot". It kills me thinking I'm not there enough for my little girl. I love her to death, but I can't afford to be without this job. I get paid well for what I do, and that has made it difficult to find something in a different field with better hours.

I don't know. I'm just in a really bad mood today because of this and some other things that have been bothering me, life really can just drag your ass down sometimes. I feel I'm loosing touch with everything, caring less and putting up more walls, reverting back into myself yet again.

That's the kind of little devil I could get into......------------>