Helpless

It's been kind of a rough week in W's house. I've felt so damn helpless, not knowing what to do, or how to make it better for M. It started Friday with her getting a cold and being miserable that night and Saturday, running a slight temp. Sunday morning seemed better, but she was still a bit off and we had about 30 people coming over for Easter. About an hour before that time, my wife was getting M ready when she noticed fluid coming out of her right ear, M did say it hurt a bit, but she is a little trooper and does not let pain bother her much it seems. A call to urgent care netted her a "get here as soon as you can". I was left to entertain family coming to our house. Thankfully, everyone is willing to help out, so it was not really a big deal since my wife also had everything pretty set the previous day.  

She got home with M about an hour after everyone had arrived, it turns out that she had ruptured her ear drum, M seemed in good spirits though, just happy to play with her cousins. I proceeded to drink a bit and take the edge off that I was feeling. A few hours later it was over and it took another 3 hours for the two of us to get the house back to normal, some of those kids are savages I tell ya. 

Monday was uneventful, except for me now having the cold. M seemed good, but her ear was still draining way too much. This prompted a call for another appointment Tuesday, the soonest would be that afternoon. After a slight disagreement with my wife about me having to "step up" a bit more helping out (If I'm not at work I loose a day's pay, I don't get flex time, or sick days, and vacation time cannot be broken down to days with my company, yes, it's a suck ass job), I was able to work it out with my boss and leave work early to take M to her appointment. Seems her med's were not strong enough for the ear problem and now she had an infection in the other ear. So new med's were in order. The poor kid is a mess at this point, her balance is shot, she can barely hear, and her nose is all stuffed up. This is where that helplessness comes in, seeing her suffering and not being able to do more, it pains me inside more than I can explain.  

We kept her from daycare yet again Wednesday and she stayed with her grandparents. Towards the end of the day she was complaining of being itchy. Then by the time my wife got there, she was screaming in pain saying her stomach hurt. The call to urgent care took only about 30 seconds when they heard her screaming and told my wife to get her there right away. This trip resulted in M being allergic to her antibiotics and some immediate antihistamine being administered, she will also need it every 6 hours for the next two days. She was so exhausted, the kid was apparently asleep in her car seat within a minute. I was just driving home from work at the time myself feeling so bad for my little one. 

I was up getting ready for work around 5 today, after I showered my wife woke up and sounded like shit. She has M's cold too, but now it was really effecting her. Good thing she was staying home with M today. I did hear from hear a little while ago and M seems to be much better, hopefully on the mend for good. It looks like it could take up to two months for her hearing to become normal after rupturing her eardrum though. I'm feeling a nice stiff drink or two is in the works for my immediate future. 

They were all under my spell, their attention hanging on every spoken word. Their eyes held a sparkle to them as they looked up at me from the rug. Even sitting, I towered over them all. The only sound other than my bass voice was the camera clicking at me from different angles.

I was signed up by my wife, to read a book to my daughters daycare class on my day off this past Friday. I got there at 3:30 as they were coming in from playing outside. My little one was the last through the door and let out a great big "daddy" as she ran over to hug me. Then the tears started. I'm told they get a bit emotional when their not used to seeing you in the middle of the day. All the kids got settled down and my daughter sat next to me on a little chair as I started reading The Three Little Pigs. They all sat with rapt attention for the most part, just my little one trying to clarify every what I was reading to her friends. It was cute to see them all so engrossed in such a simple story (this one was a little more embellished than the original). They were all quite happy though, it was nice to see all their little smiling faces thanking me after I was done. The teacher did take way to many pictures by the sounds of it. All in all, it was not all that bad. Kids tend to like me for some reason, I have no idea why.

The Drawstring Theory

Yes, it kind of feels like this sometimes, play that short clip there. This part always comes to mind when I think about those little nuances that we go through. (Extract is a funny movie by the way)




Now I know I may be looking too deeply into this, its not the end all to the constant question of whether there will be sex or not, but I do pay attention to it. I sleep naked, pretty much all the time. I do keep some pj bottoms handy right next to the bed in case the little one needs something in the middle of the night. So I tend to strip down and jump in bed at night. I'll lay there and watch her get changed into her pj's, the top goes on, and then the pants go on, meaning its pretty much guaranteed there will be no adult play time. There are those rare occasions where the pants will not go on and she will climb into bed, so I know I should at least try on those nights.

Now I do realize that the absence of pj bottoms doesn't constitute a definitive no, I mean there are some cold nights that she doesn't deal with very well. What bothers me though is mornings like this Tuesday. I was out Monday night with my friends and didn't get home till almost midnight, the usual time for me. I climb into bed and nod off to lala land for a few hours till that damn alarm is calling at 5. I jump out of the shower and wake her for her turn as I start getting dressed. She climbs out of bed and all I see is a bare ass walking to the bathroom, and it was cold last night. What the fuck is that about. My guess is some quality time with the rabbit and I certainly don't begrudge her that.

I'm just looking at this from a typical male view, I'm wanting, she's not, till I'm not around it seems, Fuck. It's just like the end of that clip, actually hearing the drawstrings tighten as the wind goes out of your sails.

I had a very busy weekend doing some home improvement shit, sadly it was one task that took quite a bit of time. I started in on some tile work in the bathroom Saturday after having a morning swim class with the wee one. I ended up working on it from about 11 till 5 and only got one section of wall tiled, not as much as I was hoping. I had to stop and get cleaned up though as the wife was having some family and a friend over to help with some project for Easter, so I had to entertain of her friends husband for the night. That was not too bad though, he's a nice guy, we just headed down to man-town, watched a movie and had some drinks. Once everyone was gone, I helped my wife clean up and we headed to bed. I was really hoping for some sex, its been about two weeks, and it was my hope that the wine she was drinking would loosen her resolve some. Sadly, she was snoring as her head hit the pillow. I should know better than to hope.

Sunday morning I was greeted to the clock saying 8:30, needless to say I was shocked. My daughter usually never lets us get past 7. I got up to see what the two of them were doing and ended up playing with the little on for a bit before my wife ask when I'm going to start back on the tile. I told her I needed a shower first, I'm just not truly awake without a shower. So I did that, got dressed and headed down for a quick breakfast. As I threw something in the toaster, I headed out to the garage and got the wet saw and everything else I would need set up. I came back and stood there eating while making a cup of coffee when the wife came down and started right in on me. "This is why I want to hire someone to do it, it takes you forever to get going." I was fucking pissed at that and told her I'd been getting things set up in the mean time. I didn't say another word to her for the next three hours.

I was working away till about 5 again, but I finished all the tile work. Thank fucking god. It was more like tile work with a side of stair-master thrown in for good measure. I must have been up and down the stairs about 75-100 times, just lots of fine cuts and angles to work with. I can say today that my ass is feeling it, it truly is a glut workout. I was more happy that she couldn't say a damn word about how much I got done. I at least got a "it looks really good" from her.

With the work done, I showered, made dinner for M and started a fire since I was fucking freezing still from my hands being numb working with the wet cutter in 40 degree temps. I made dinner for both of us after M was fed and happy. I made a drink for myself and settled on the couch for some relaxing time. We put M down and headed back to the TV. I didn't really have much to say to my wife, I was still holding on to that comment from earlier. The movie I was watching ended around 9:30 or so while she read sitting there. I headed to bed not even considering sex, I know my mental state wouldn't even be there. Not that I had to worry about that. I put a movie on in the bedroom and she was out again in about two minutes. I ended up watching it for about an hour before I finally let sleep take me.

A Wednesday

It's been unseasonably warm her in the North East these past few days. So much so that I was able to take the R1 to work the other day. There is something about the sights and scents that a nice days bring out. Being near the water at work affords me a nice view of the bay and a nearness with the ocean that I've always loved. It's the scent though that always takes me back to my childhood, vacationing in Hampton Beach up in New Hampshire. That salt tinge to the air always takes on a different smell when the temps rise above the 70 degree mark. Too bad their talking a snow storm next week.

A pic from over the bay yesterday morning.

While out to lunch a friend from work wanted to take a ride with me. So he borrowed someone else's bike and we took a cruise down by the beach, then to a coffee shop for a quick drink before returning to the grind. It was just great to get out, and by the looks of the crowd on the beach, we weren't the only ones enjoying the great temps. From the full parking along the beach to the out door seating at the few restaurants, the wasn't much free space at all.

The cherry's blooming early. (I think it's a Dogwood, but am told otherwise)

When I got home, my father in law was waiting with the wee one, having their Wednesday movie night. He jumped right up to have me help him with something he brought with him and was having trouble with. I fixed that for him and he was on his way. My daughter finally noticed I was home and for some reason wanted to try on my motorcycle pants. So as I took those off, she noticed the bicycling tights I wear underneath to help with insulation and to keep the leather from sticking. She wants to try those too. I get her into the leathers, not an easy task mind you with all the armor in them. She was loving it. Then she wanted the tights. After she had those on, she says to me, "I need something on my leg". It took me a minute to realize she was talking about my tattoo. Oh no honey, your to little for that. She says "yea, my leg to small to fit, I wait till I bigger". Well, she got that right, wait till you much bigger sweetie.

I don't know what's up with me lately, but I'm not eating well at all. Not in the nutritional sense of eating good foods, but just eating in general. I'll tend to have a Nutrigrain bar in the morning, then kind of skip over lunch most days and only have a dinner if I'm really hungry or if there is something already made when I get home (which is rare). I've lost some more weight again, now down to just over 170. It's not as if I'm doing it on purpose, I just don't think about eating at work, its usually too busy and I normally always have a coffee on hand that keeps me sedated I think. It's not as if there are a lot of demands on my body for the nutrition either, so maybe that's a reason too.

Oh well, I'll leave you with some bikes and babes for today then.

Pool night

Some of you who stop here regularly know of my Monday night ritual. Nothing special, just a excuse to get out of the house, have some drinks, hang with some friends, and play pool.  I will occasionally play a set of matches, depending on our numbers and who was there for the night (believe it or not, there is some strategy involved). On a good night, we would be at a nice bar with plenty of good looking women to check out, but those unfortunately are few and far between. We play mostly at private bars/clubs, so the sights are usually non existent. Now most nights, its neither here nor there for me. I'm just content to watch and have a few Cap n Cokes. I tend to be an average player, I have my good games and bad ones.

A few weeks back though I had a really good night, at least as far as pool was concerned. I was thrown up against a player of the same skill level as myself. We got up there, shook hands, and lagged for the break, I won. Being an even level, it was a race to three wins for either one of us. The first game I was feeling a bit unremarkable shooting. In the end I won the match, but just by on ball. The next game felt much better, I broke and ran 5 balls before stepping back. It wound up being another win. I was feeling pretty good after that one, I just needed one more. I broke again, but not so much of a good run this time. It ended up taking a few rounds, but win I did. I was happy, as was our team because we were down a match going into this one.

I don't remember winning the lag and three straight games in such a handy fashion, but it felt damn good to come home on a high that night. Now, if only there was some little hottie to watch bending over the table, that would have really made my night.