Lyrics

Just a few lyrics that I've been hearing recently and seem to resonate right now.

"I sit here locked inside my head, remembering everything you've said, 

this silence gets us nowhere,  gets us nowhere way to fast."

                

                                                Stained 

"I dreamed you had left my side

No warmth, not even pride remained

And even though you needed me

It was clear that I could not do a thing for you

Now life devalues day by day

As friends and neighbors turn away

And there's a change that, even with regret, cannot be undone

Now frontiers shift like desert sands

While nations wash their bloodied hands

Of loyalty, of history, in shades of grey

I woke to the sound of drums

The music played, the morning sun streamed in

I turned and I looked at you

And all but the bitter residues slipped away...slipped away" 

                                            

                                                       Pink Floyd

"It seems like every day’s the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well

I feel the dream in me expire
and there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
‘cause I can’t seem to get this through
You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late; just as well

And I’m not scared now.
I must assure you,
you’re never gonna get away
And I’m not scared now.
And I’m not scared now. No…"

                                         Seether

Eliza Dushku

A sexy Massachusetts native.

Waiting

I found this picture on a site that I belong to and wanted to share it. There is just something about the female form in black & white, and this pose just speaks to me.
I'm sorry I don't know who to credit the pic to.

I've found some others that I'll be sharing later as well.

Century, The Ride for Kids

I did it.

It took 5 hours and 58 minutes in the saddle, but I finished, my first century under my belt. Up until this point my longest ride was 54 miles.  My ass is killing me, but the legs held out, no problem.  Unfortunately, the same can't be said of my ridding partners.

Saturday started out great, up at 5, on the road by 6, parked, dressed, and registered by 6:30.  All accompanied by a nice 65 deg morning.  Got some fuel into me, and meet up with the two gents I would be riding with.  One who I road with last year when we did the 50 together (G),and the other who did the 100 last year (B).

We set out at a good pace, in and out of the first water stop, no problems.  About 30 miles in, we start hitting hilly terrain and a lot of head winds, G is no longer keeping pace with us.  We constantly kept him in sight, right up until this monster climb, I geared down and attacked it, B about 30 seconds behind me.  We continued to the second water stop at 42 miles, G was in about 2 minuets later.  He was starting to hurt, not a good sign.  We took 10-15 to replenish some liquids and food, and stretch a bit, then set out again.

We went through some of the most beautiful lake areas in southern Massachusetts on this leg of the trip, but G was not enjoying any of it.  By the time we got to the 60 mile water stop, his legs were locking up on him.  We rested a bit, but G wanted to wait at least another half hour before going and sent us on without him.  We started going again, nice pace, enjoying the scenery, when at about 72 miles B jump off his bike in pain.  His right thigh had lock up on him.  He worked the muscle loose and we continued on to the 76 mile water stop.
We stretched and hydrated, I gave B all the time he needed before we continued on.

The last 20 or so miles, I just wanted it to end.  My back and shoulders were burning, no matter how I stretched in the saddle it was not helping.  We blew past the last water stop, just wanting to reach the end.

Finally made it in, B and I, slowly climbing off our bikes and hobbling down to the food and family tents.  As I'm walking, I see my wife and little one just as they spot me.  She comes running towards me with this big balloon hat on, "daddy, daddy, daddy", it was enough to make me forget my pains.

Hard Sun

You ever just have a song elicit such an emotional response that it surprises you?  It happened to me yesterday and I've no idea why.  I just had this urge to hear a song that's been around for quite awhile now, so I went onto YouTube and found it.  I'm listening to it at work while by myself in the morning, doing nothing else, just listening, and my eyes start welling up.

What the Fuck, this is uncalled for.  I'm thinking my plumbing must be broken, a leak in the pipes that's all.

It must just be me, I'm wondering if the stress at home it starting to take a toll.  I don't know, whatever.  I guess I can't be that rock all the time, I'm just glad no one saw me.

I decided to put it up today on my music blog.  It's a song called "Hard Sun" sung by  Eddie Vedder,  head on over and take a listen if you like. Call me crazy, please, at least its in excuse.

No ticket today

I swear officer, the registration is in here somewhere.

Just thought I'd share.

Weekend

Lets see, the weekend, another bang up job.  The wife and I took the wee one down to Newport RI to get out for the day and I was able to take some nice pictures (I'll share some when I get them uploaded).  M was really good all day, even missing her nap and sitting through lunch with us.  We headed home around 2:30 and she just crashed within 10 minutes in the car seat, the wife crashed to.  Later, we put M down, were watching TV and suddenly my wife gets up all pissed about something stupid and storms off to bed.  Well then, WTF just happened.  I took the computer to the basement and hid out while playing the guitar.  I was able to have a few nice chat conversations well into the night before turning in at 1.

Sunday dawns, up at 6:30 with the little one.  I'm getting a cold.  Spent the morning doing things with M and and the wife, and once she was down for a nap, I headed out for a bike ride.  I did have a few stops along the way for some phone conversations and refreshments, resulting in being in the saddle for about 4 hours, but I only road for 2 of those, still managed 35 miles.

Woke up this morning, sicker than yesterday, sore throat making my voice a bit fucked and much deeper.  Managed to cause another little fight with the wife, she's insisting I never told her about something going on today, but I did. Here's hoping the damn cold, and my wifes mood swings pass.

Razors Edge

Ever feel like you living on a razors edge?  You walk that edge never knowing what side you may fall on, but you can be damn sure it's going to be the wrong side. 

Seems to be that's how the home life has been going a lot lately.  I just don't understand how,  no matter how much I do, it never seems enough, or its not the way she wanted it.  The sad part is, its all these little things that keep adding up in the back of my head, taking up space, eating up compute cycles, and she wonders why I'm getting migraine's more frequently, ha, tough one.  Don't get me wrong, life goes on, I know many are in worse positions than I.  There is still a bond there, but its just changed so much in the past few years, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

If it wasn't for a few key figures in my life right now, I don't know how I would be able to cope with all of it. First is that little angel of mine, I don't know if I could live without her.  That blond hair, cute smile, and piercing blue eyes that just see her daddy.  Second, Beryl, who has become a true friend, who understands me and still sees the real me, as I am, no pretense.  We can share anything with each other and are always better off for it.  And finally, good friends.  Whether it be the ones I can go out with, share a drink and a few stories, or those of you here, who I can share a story, an email, or a chat with.  Its always nice to have support.  Thank you all for being here.

It helps to remind one to never give in, never surrender, to keep on living.

Fly in the ointment

Over all, a good weekend, except for one glaring hiccup Saturday night.  I had heard from a good friend of mine on Thursday that his, kind of sort of Brother in Law, had just won tickets to see Flyleaf, but had no interest in seeing them.  I was obviously the first person he thought of to get them to.  Unfortunately, after repeated phone calls and trying to get the tickets changed to my name, it fell through.  We never heard back from the kid Friday.  I was working all day Saturday, constantly checking my phone, hoping he would come through at the last minute.  Bust.  Fucker.

At least I was home to take part in a nice group chat Saturday night with a few blog friends.  You ladies are to sweet by far to me.  ;)

Oh, and did I tell you I spoiled Beryl rotten over these past three days, well I did.

My Angel

I find myself quite amazed at the love I have for my daughter.  It seems fitting to write about it now after reading all of your comments on my last post.  Thank you all by the way.

I was always of the mind that I never wanted children.  It took my wife and I ten years before we decided to even try.  I was that unsure. So after a huge mess of fertility treatments, "chemical" pregnancy's, and multiple miscarriages, all spread over two and a half years, we decided to just let it happen if it was going to happen.  Four months later we found out she was 12 weeks pregnant.

Fast forward two years to the present, and I'm simply amazed at my capacity to love this little girl.  Don't get me wrong, she still has the ability to make me want to ring her neck with that attitude of hers (must get it from mom), but the love is still unconditional.  She just makes me melt, from the blond haired, blue eyed looks, to the little sayings or words she has been learning.  I'll just stand in her room at night, staring at her sleeping sometimes, overwhelmed that she is mine.

I never imagined I would love anyone so much as I do that little angel.

Sweetness

I had the cutest moment with my daughter last night and just wanted to share it.

We were sitting on the couch watching TV after I feed her dinner.  The Sprout channel was on which she really likes.  She was sitting in my lap facing the TV, I had my book beside me on the arm of the couch reading while trying not to melt my brain on children's programming.  My right arm was around her, my left holding the book open.  She looks over and says "daddy's book" while pointing at it.  I asked her if she wants me to read it to her and she says "yes".  I read about three or four sentences and she cranes her head back at me, raises her hand to my mouth and says "no more Dada" and proceeds to go back to watching Sprout.

I had the biggest smile on my face for a good hour just thinking about it.

Romantic? Who Me?

If I'm such a romantic guy (so says everyone here) then why is it my wife doesn't see it? How is it I can make someone so damn far away happy (and believe me, I love doing it) and yet the one that lays next to me every night is oblivious? Do we really grow so used to the people we live with that we become so blind to that which is in front of us? I'm beginning to see the answer as an unequivocal yes.

Its funny because Danielle and I were talking about this a few months ago after she read one of my post and she was convinced that my wife had her head up her ass, I always thought it was a stick permanently lodged up there, but I really do believe it must be her head.


Those of you who have been reading for awhile know I tend to be demure myself, so I'll often err on the side of caution, being humble and lacking to much hubris. Take a look back at ancient literature, Greek especially, and you'll find that to much pride, more often than not, is the hero's downfall. I never want to come off as to egotistical or arrogant, there seems to be plenty of that out there on the blog-sphere already. Thats why I will tend to minimize some of my actions, that, in all reality, mean a lot more.

Peedee and Vixen Kitten think I need some sense smacked up side my head I'm sure, judging by their comments. I guess all I'm trying to say is I don't feel like I'm setting out to be romantic, it just happens.

So as Peedee says, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

"Quack"

HNT: Bike Ride

Just out for a bike ride the other day, still training for this 100 miler I have coming up, thought I'd share a bit of the sweat with you.

The Bathroom

She said she had to use the ladies' room.  He stood there for a minute or two, looked around, then proceded into the ladies room.  He opened the door slowly, looking as he went in, there was no one else in there.  He saw her heels below the stall door as he walked towards it.  He said, simply, "Open the door".  She did so since she was already standing and adjusting her clothing, though she was still quite surprised to her his voice.  He moves into the stall with her, embraces her and kisses her deeply.  He breaks the kiss and spins her around, her body against the side wall, him directly behind her.  He moves her cascading hair from the side of her neck as he begins devouring her exposed flesh.  She throws her head back, her arm reaching behind her head to rest on the back of his.  His hands reach up under her shirt, under her bra, pushing it up, cupping her tits.  Her nipples harden at the slightest graze of his hand. He takes one between thumb and finger, pinching ever so slightly.  He snakes his other hand down, over her stomach, under her waist band, down to her smooth pussy.  She lets out a long moan as his middle finger parts her folds, feeling how wet she is, rubbing up and down.  She starts grinding against his hand.  "You like that, don't you baby?" he whispers into her ear.  A weak "yes" escapes her lips.

She reaches behind her, grabbing him through his pants, stroking him to hardness.  "I need this cock in me," she says to him.  He reaches to her waistband with both hands and swiftly pushes them down her legs, sliding down her body, he can't resist kissing that freshly exposed ass.  He rises back up, unbuttoning his own pants, releasing his cock.  He's still behind her, rubbing himself between her legs, letting the wetness cover him.  She slides her ass back at him, arching her back.  He easily slides into her, another moan escaping her lips as he buries himself.  He takes both her hands and moves them above her head againist the wall, holding them there with his own, as he starts fucking her from behind.

Her response is nearly instantaneous, "Oh, fuck, yes" she says.  That's all the encouragement he needs to start driving harder into her.  Her hands still pinned against the wall, his abs slamming against her ass with every thrust, his free hand on her hip holding her where he wants her.  Within a minute, she is shuddering in orgasm, her pussy tightening on his cock.  "Fuck yes, fuck yes, fuck yes," she whispers as she cums hard and fast.  His own lust driving him into her, her whispers send him over the edge, with a final thrust he lifts her off the ground "Oh my fucking god baby," he groans as he unloads into her.

They hastily gather themselves, fixing their clothing and make a dash for the door, as yet, surprised no one has come in.  She pulls the door open, her other hand pulling him along, and is met with another woman reaching for the door.  They all pause, the woman looking from her to him and back, both their faces still flush.  With a wink, she steps aside and lets them exit, a knowing smile crossing her face.