The struggle within

There is so much talk about infidelity and cheating on ones significant other and the ramifications involved, just wanted to add my own thoughts on the subject. To start, it seems that a lot of men and women are looking for the same thing, that which they are not getting at home, and its not just sex, its that feeling of intimacy, that connection on a base level that words don't do justice. We have obviously had this to begin with or we would not be having this discussion. But somehow the intimacy and passion evolves into living life for the daily grind, we become so accustomed to the everyday duties that the other things slowly recede to the background becoming less important to some.

I've been reading many other blogs and articles lately and am not really surprised at how many differing opinions there are on the subject. For some, cheating is the sexual escapades that take place outside the monogamist relationship, for others it can be as simple as the sharing of intimate emotions with someone of the opposite sex. My wife does not like the facts that I work so closely with an attractive younger woman, she knows nothing has happened between us physically (I'll save those dreams), but does not like the fact that when you spend ten to eleven hours a day with someone, you do tend to get close to them. Its not cheating in her eyes, but with that familiarity comes something else, that longing for something else...

For the few that do read my blog, I have never cheated physically, but I have cheated emotionally, I've become enamored with a kind of friendship I have never experienced before, I think about the path not taken and where it could lead. This is much of what brings those feelings of intimacy, passion, and excitement back to the surface of consciousness. It makes me want to do things I know are wrong from a societal standpoint, but this friendship has made me feel wanted in ways I've not felt in fifteen plus years. That forbidden fruit just being thrust out there in front in front of you, teasing you to taste.

This constant inner struggle has been going on for a few years now. It has its ups and downs. Things get more difficult when events at home get monotonous and attitudes rear their ugly heads. But I only say this because we are trying to work out our issues at home, I have not taken the path of less resistance, but I certainly think about it alot.

Does it make me a bad person to have lust in my heart? I don't care, its taken me 30 plus years to realize everyone is different, there is no mold to be forced into, but it is nice to know there are others out there going through the same gamut of emotions. I envy those of you who have found you passion.