S the tease

So this is becoming the How S can tease the fuck out of me blog. I mean where is that line between good friends and something more. I hope you all can understand my confusion in this, and from some of the comments left on the last post, you do.

Wednesday, S came in wearing the skin tight work pants that show off the goods really well, so well in fact, that I can clearly make out her thong through them. Along with this she is wearing a tight wife beater style tee shirt that you can see right through to her white bra, maybe she is just dressing more provocatively since being single again after 4 years. She does wear a work shirt over this while working though. She asked me earlier in the day if I had brought a lunch, I told her no. She comes back from her lunch with a salad and some kind of baked chicken dish for the two of us to have. Now I know this is just a really friendly thing for her to do and that is all I took it as, but I'm still confused as to why she does treat me so.

We were talking later in the day about her boy problems, and they are boys by the way, immature and very childish. But she also proceeds to tell me about her lack of a sex life, how long its been without, her fuck buddy not connecting with her, and the lack of joy when he does (she calls it clock watching). I finally told her I don't want to hear this shit, I think she got the hint.

Correction, I hope she got the hint, because if she keeps it up her dog won't be the only one kissing her.

Thursday, S starts showing me how much weight she has lost by pulling her pants out far enough from her waist for me to see clearly down them. Its hard to look away but I do, ya right, too much the gentleman. Friday its check this on my back, is there something there? The shirt comes up to her bra, the pants down to the top of her underwear, WTF.

She just keeps adding to my confusion, but I think I have become that friend that you can tell anything to because I am married and "safe". I told her no one is safe.

As a fellow blogger has told me I would not know if a woman was coming on to me any way. Ha ha. I just want plain English, straight forward responses, no hiding or defecting. Is that so fucking hard to ask?

Now I know that I've talked about passion before, but that was from a purely sexual standpoint. I also appreciate those who have a passion for something they practice and it shows when they are doing that something. For me, I tend to notice it most with musicians.

I guess you could say it started years ago with my love for Pink Floyd, and over the years I've collected quite the collection of CD's and DVD's by both Pink Floyd and David Gilmour, the lead guitarist since 1968. He plays with such heart and passion that it makes me enjoy listening to his work even more. If you ever get the chance to see either the Pink Floyd Pulse double DVD or David Gilmour Live in Gdansk, you will not be disappointed if you are a guitar fan.

Another guitarist that plays from the heart and always has is Eric Clapton, there is that deep passion in all of his playing, from early Cream works to blues to playing live for all kinds of benefits and festivals. It really shows in live performances how much he puts in, watch Clapton on Unplugged playing Layla and you will see it. Again, it makes listening to their work that much more enjoyable.

There are a few singers as well that put everything they have into their work. One is Aaron Lewis from the band Staind, his live performance of inside at the Family Values tour really showed his power. Another singer that was really good live was Jonathan Davis from the band Korn. The Unplugged show they did a few years back is still one of my favorites to listen to because of his vocals.

I'm sure there are many others that I've never seen or heard. These are just a few that stand out to me. I'd love to hear your opinions as well.

Not Again!

She did it again. My cute little coworker, that I will just call S from now on, came in today on her day off. Well the weather is great today here in the Boston area, in the high 70's, so you can imagine she was dressed to impress. Skin tight jeans, a shirt that must be a size too small making her chest look twice as large as normally, and her hair and make-up done. I asked her what she was doing here and she says she was bored, just stopped in to do something she forgot Saturday. I can accept the doing something you forgot, but it could have just as easily waited until tomorrow. S then proceeds to hang out with me for a half hour, she says "I have to go" a few times then just hangs out longer.

Now I know I have been over this before and a few of you feel that she is just fucking with me, knowing how to turn guys on and enjoying it, but it just bothers the hell out of me. On one hand she says she wants nothing to do with me in that way, but she acts totally different. The come ons, the sly remarks, they keep coming at me but when I call her on something she quickly deflects by changing the subject or just ignores me. I guess I'm just tired of the mixed signals. She must really get of on turning guys on and being able to just walk away. It would not be so bad if she didn't seem to flaunt it in my face. Can you understand my confusion? I'm not trying to force something to happen between us but I do think it makes it more difficult to deal with her. I really can't stop thinking of all the things I could do with her when she acts like this towards me, it gets harder to think straight.

Oh well, just a little rant on my part...

Sex on wheels

Sorry, I meant that figuratively, I know you all were expecting something else. These are few of my favorites:


On four wheels, the Aston Martin DBS, beautiful from any angle.



On two wheels, a couple favorites, 2010 MV Agusta F4


Ok, so I'm biased on the 2004 Yamaha R1 because I have one. But I absolutely love the lines on this bike, and shift red is the best of the three colors available.




I am very jealous of whoever owns this one, mine did not come with this particular option...
though I'm more than willing to add it if anyone is game ;)

The Encounter, Pt 2

I suggest you start with part one if you have not already. http://internalpathways.blogspot.com/2010/05/encounter-pt1.html


He removes his fingers from her now sopping wet pussy, she misses the feeling almost immediately. He resisted the urge to enter her right then, he wanted all of her. He got up from the edge of the bed and went to grab a chair from the corner of the room. He dragged the chair over and set it in front of her, he then released only her hands from the restraints, he wanted her to use those.

He helped her kneel in front of him, again she knew what was expected of her. She removed his pants while he removed his own shirt. His cock was more than ready as she lowered her head to it. She started out softly, her tongue exploring the shaft and his balls, her hands ever so lightly on him. She starts to envelop him in her warm mouth, first just the head, still teasing with the tongue. She then takes more of him in, a steady rhythm ensues, her head rising and falling. His hands are buried in her thick hair, enjoying every ounce of ecstasy. With her hand cradling his balls, she had her own surprise for him, when she suddenly took him all the way into mouth. He was watching her the whole time and was in utter disbelief as she looked up at him, mouth totally filled. The sight was incredible, he dug his fingers deeper into her hair, savoring the feeling. She continued to move up and down, only now taking every inch down her throat. His hands growing more forceful on the back of head, small moans start escaping from her knowing the pleasure she is causing. He reluctantly stops her knowing both of them want more.

He reaches down and guides her hands back to the restraints on the leg bar, she more than willingly complies as he moves around behind her. She is positioned perfectly, her beautiful ass at the right height in those heels, her legs spread by the bar. He starts rubbing the outside of her still wet pussy with his dick, back and forth, teasing her clit. She moans out, wanting him inside her, he smacks her ass for the outburst, her ass still tender from before. He does enter her then, but just the head, she can't have it all, not yet. Very slowly, little by little, he keeps teasing her, when just as suddenly he buries himself completely in her pussy. She shifts forward at the sudden filling, unbridled ecstasy, sheer pleasure overtakes her. She starts bucking back at him, wanting it harder, deeper. He has her hip in one hand the other caressing her red ass, giving her what she wants.

His fingers find their way to her bud, slowly just caressing it, circling, adding a little pressure, as they thrust back and forth. Her ass easily opens under his urging, ever so slowly working his index finger in using his own saliva to aid it. She has another shuddering orgasm, her body overwhelmed with the feelings of both her pussy and ass being used. He keeps thrusting, trying to get deeper, her moans driving him on. He feels her tighten around his cock again, her moans even louder.

He backs away from her, disengaging himself. He lifts her onto the bed, her arms and legs still bound, she lay on her side with her ass presented to him. He climbs on the bed with her and lubes her ass for what he has been dying to have. She looks up over her shoulder, her eyes telling him she wants it. He slowly pushes his way into her ass, again, just the head at first, letting her relax a little. His right hand on her ass, his left making its way up her side, teasing her nipple with light pinches. He starts to move in deeper now, savoring the feeling, the tightness surrounding him. Her breathing comes quicker now, loving the feel of her ass being fucked, the fullness, the intensity, its too much. She cums yet again, their bodies both slick with sweat. He can't hold off any more, he starts thrusting harder, savoring her delights. His hand grabs forcefully at her breast as he cums deep inside her. After a few moments, he extracts himself from her, still enjoying the sight before him. She lay there, bound, covered in sweat, her hair a mess, looking up at him. Again, not a word is spoken. She was the most beautiful thing the world to him right now...







I would love to hear you comments, likes, dislikes, etc.

The Encounter, Pt.1

She came into the room dressed exactly as she was told. Black corset, thigh high stockings attached to the garter belt, black fuck me heals, and lacy barely there thong, all covering a body he's been dying to have for weeks. He sat on the edge of the bed as she approached him, never looking away from each others eyes. She gave him a soft kiss on the lips, then moved to the other side of the bed, not a word spoken.

There she found what she was looking for. She picked up the leg bar and moved back in front of him. She bent over at the waist, making sure her ass was close to him on the edge of the bed. She attached the leg bar first to her left ankle, then to her right as she looked up over her shoulder at him as she closed her left wrist into the leg bar knowing he would have to do the right. He bent down to enclose her wrist, inhaling her scent along her leg as he did. There she was, poetry in a pose.

He wasted no time, his hands rising up the outside of her legs. Reaching her thong, he moved them slowly down, leaving them stretch between her knees. His hands start to caress her ass, circling, grabbing. She was expecting the first blow, but it still stole her breath, the quickness of it surprised her. He kept hitting with his right hand as his left was holding on to the front of her thigh, keeping her from moving to much. After what felt like an eternity, he stopped smacking her ass and started rubbing it again, easing the stinging.

He reached deftly between her legs, feeling how wet she was, knowing how much she enjoyed it. His fingers easily moving in an out of her moist pussy. He leans forward, her ass presenting itself so perfectly. His tongue licking up and down her ass, pausing ever so slightly crossing over her asshole. He concentrates his oral talents on that sweet bud as she starts trying to grind back into his face. Her hips moving, trying to get those fingers deeper. She's panting now, feeling the wave wash over her, her legs trembling. He doesn't stop, he keeps going, feeling her pussy repeatedly tighten around his fingers.







Sorry, out of time, I'll work on the rest next week...
Till then, sweet dreams.

Crawling

"There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface, consuming, confusing. This lack of self control I fear is never ending, controlling, I can't seam, to find myself again, my walls are closing in. I felt this way before, so insecure."

"This comfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me, distracting, reacting. Against my will I stand beside my own reflection. Its haunting how I can't seam, to find myself again, my walls are closing in. I felt this way before, so insecure."

"Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal, fear is how I cope, confusing what is real." by Linkin Park

I find this a very fitting quote due to a few of the comments I've received from my last post. Depression? Well, I do meet many of the clinical descriptions, becoming more introverted, not eating, loss of interest in many things, not sleeping well, etc., but I don't consider myself depressed. Agitation, anger, frustration? Yes, most definitely. I don't really know what it is that I keep buried, maybe it is just guilt for even having these feelings of wanting more. I keep thinking that I should be happy with what I have, but you know what, I would give it all up to feel desired again. I don't care about having dinner waiting when I get home, hell I would give up my house and everything I have worked so hard for these past years. I have worked so hard the last ten years at getting everything "we" wanted, I think I lost what I wanted. Don't get me wrong, I an proud of my accomplishments, getting my BSBA through years of night school, the expensive house in the burbs, the bike, a decent job, etc., but I've come up feeling empty.

Don't get me wrong, I am very appreciative of my wife, she did push me to finish school, she is a great mother, and I still do love her and want to be with her, but I want more from her physically, not mentally. I think it really is guilt, that I should not want these things, that drives me crazy inside. I've become so confused because I have talked with my wife about our physical being, and I think I made things worse, I feel she really doesn't want me that way any more, hence the reason for my whole trying to change myself, thinking it was me.

I am ready to give it all up except for the one thing that I have learned over the past two years. Absolute, unconditional, true love, I have learned it from my daughter, she can't even really talk yet, yet I would die for her, do anything for her, and that is the reason I will suffer in silence, for her. I can't think of loosing her. That scares me more than anything, her not having a father.

But on the other side of the same token, I would jump at the chance to have an affair if the opportunity presented itself to me, just to feel passion again, fully understanding what I could be giving up in the process. Seems so foolish I'm sure to many, but I don't know what else to do. My wife and I have talked, been through counseling, talked some more, and I just feel things getting worse.

I would love to hear from others that I'm not crazy or being unreasonable, because I'm beginning to feel the fool.

Random thinking, again...

Perception is a funny thing. What we see is usually how we draw conclusions of others, which we all know, especially here, how wrong we can be. I was thinking the other day, as I sat alone on the beach wall, during my lunch break with my nose buried in a book, how many different views there must be of me. Who's to know what others think when they walk by or look at you.

I know as I sat there, enjoying the sun and the sights, that my mind is not even on my book at times. I'm doing the same thing as others, looking around, watching people. There's the runners and walkers going by, nodding to me if I happen look up and catch their attention. There are the two mothers on the beach watching their kids busily playing in the sand, the one in the black bikini constantly looking my way, must have spilled some coffee on my shirt again. The group of young girls hanging out in their car doing god only knows what. But its the three women on the beach facing me that have my attention. I'm guessing board house wives, but again, who knows. After a few minutes of glancing up over the edge of my book, I'm beginning to notice the same curious glances coming my way. I mean its hard not to notice three very attractive women in bikinis lying out on the beach, I have to look right. Hell that's the most skin I've seen in weeks. At one point two of the women are standing comparing the size of their thighs, giving me quite the show and a clear view of their fine forms. Yep, got my attention, now my mind is gone, gone to that bad area that's always there, fighting for control. Sorry getting off track again, see how easy that happens.

Which brings me back to perception, to them, am I just some guy sitting there showing a little interest or am a border line psycho? It is the former by the way, regardless of my little rant about lustful thoughts, those are always there, just suppressed. I just find it amusing that to most people I am the buttoned down, average, boring, normal, pick you vanilla adjective, person. I've become the go to guy for so many friends and family, its a little scary. If anyone were to stumble on to my blog who actually knew me, I think they would be thoroughly shocked at my brutal honesty in writing these post. My current persona is the real me but there is also that which lies below that I have learned to keep to myself, or you readers, for fear of that judgement. I know I've said before that I don't care what other people think, and for the most part I don't, but there is always that deeper fear of being treated differently for liking and enjoying what is not normally "socially acceptable behavior". Believe me I've taken a lot of heat just for my love of dangerous sports, especially my love of fast bikes, never mind the scuba diving, mountain biking, shooting, etc. Maybe its the Catholic upbringing, the whole do whats right preaching that gets drilled into a young boys head, that leaves me cautious, I don't know.

I've lost total track of where I was going here, sorry, I'll just leave you with this. It does not matter how we perceive others, thats part of the mystery, its how we are perceived that concerns some of us.

Rejection

Rejection, yep, I said it. No matter what any guy tells you, rejection is one of the hardest things for us to deal with. Its not supposed to be, but it is. It is compounded when it comes from someone you care about. Fear of rejection is a strong motivator for many men. We do get better dealing with it in time, but it still bothers us. For me its been driven home by being denied intimacy with my wife, even though I understand she is not always in the mood, it still hurts. I get to the point where I don't even want to ask or try anything because I don't what to hear another excuse. Every time the rejection hits, it comes back to feeling wanted or desired, which I've already covered in a past blog. It is a evil mistress, though I try not to let it bother me, it still does.

The more I reflect on the whole wanting to be desired thing, the more I can understand why many people are driven to cheating on their significant others. I have a friend that I used to work with who had a married woman come on to him. Out of the blue at work, this woman who came in to have her vehicle serviced (she had been in in the past), point blankly asked him if he would be interested in having an affair with her. When he told me about this about a year later I was shocked, but at the same time very intrigued. He was going through a tough time with his then 2nd wife (I know, sensing a pattern here) so I can't help but wonder what lead to the multi year affair. Was it the trouble at home or the feeling of being wanted by someone else? A few years ago I would say it was home trouble, but now I would have to say it is all a factor. One breeds another as I have come to find recently, and I can't help but ask myself what would I do in his place? I would like to think I could deny the urge to say fuck it and just go for it, but I don't know if I could.
I've never thought of myself as such a sexual being in the past, but I feel more and more drive lately. I want to be wanted as much as I want, if that makes sense to you. I wish my wife had the same passion for me that I do her. I would think a spouse would be more worried if their other half stopped wanting them, would this not be a bigger problem? Shouldn't this be the clue that maybe they are getting what they need somewhere else? Someones spouse would not be saying "is all you think about sex" if they stopped wanting.

I can certainly tell you that from reading others blogs on the matter, I'm not the only one that wants to feel desired. I now see how desire can lead you outside your normal bounds. I have not broken that trust, but I feel my will being slowly eroded.

Finger tips

Finger tips have memories that can't forget the curves of you body.

Following a path from you waist, up your sides, collecting your blouse over my wrist, slowly sliding up. Your arms raise over your head freeing you from the soft fabric. My hands come down, over your shoulders, gently pulling your bra straps down over your arms as I reach around to release the clasp. The rise and fall of your chest, your breath quickens while those fingers trace lightly along your collar bone, working downward. Your nipples stand erect under the slightest encouragement. A soft moan escapes your lips as I bring my mouth down to your breast, fully enveloping you, your body quivers under my touch. My hands on your hips, your trying to unbutton you pants, I won't let you, not yet. I'm taking my time with you, teasing you through you pants, bodies grinding together, heat rising. My tongue lingers down your smooth stomach, I finally unbutton your pants, sliding them down along with your thong. Ahhh, freshly shaved, all the better, you've been anticipating this my dear. My hand slowly rubbing you, your nectar starts coating my fingers, your clit pressing against my palm. Fingers penetrate your soft folds easily, your legs part, allowing me in further. My tongue and mouth take in that sweet nectar, the aroma is sheer ecstasy, the taste divine. Your breath coming in short gasps, my fingers still moving in and out, tongue caressing your clit. Your body starts to shudder, your hands on my head, encouraging me firmly, pulling me into you harder. Your lips tighten around my fingers, "fuck yes, fuck yes" erupts from your mouth, your back arches while the first of many orgasms overtake you. Bliss.

The Minds Eye

The minds eye, such a powerful tool. Do we see what is there or is it twisted into what we what to see? Was that lingering stare from the beautiful woman walking by a show of interest, or more likely the coffee you just spilled down you shirt? That vague discussion about wanting to be closer to someone, is it directed at you or is it the current flavor of the week? How about that knowing smile and wink, wow, she is flirting with me. Nope, just knows how bad you want her and the smile and wink are to let you know your never going to get close, keep dreaming.
We can conjure so many mental images and project them onto a subject, then loose all conceptual context in the name of desire. Or we can sit back and take it all in, see things as they are, simple, no underlying meaning. Some things are easier said than done.

Another Monday

I just got home, its midnight, I've had a wee bit too much to drink, and I'm extremely horny. Ahhh, the story of my Monday nights for the past couple of years, going to bed unfulfilled again...sigh. Maybe I should have a nightcap to sweeten my dreams. Oh well, off to bed.

A friend of mine once said "How can someone be surrounded by people all the time and yet still feel all alone." It was not until recently that I've started looking more intently at what has been going on the last few years of my life that I start to better understand this statement. That feeling of aloneness is ever prevalent even when we spend so much time with others due to a lack of feeling accepted. I have many friends and acquaintances, but I don't feel I can be completely open with many of them. There are the feelings you share and the ones you keep buried (or blog about). I know most people would not understand my confusion of emotions regarding my co-worker, as I have tried to broach the subject with a close friend who is also married. He cannot grasp the idea that I would have feelings for another woman since I am married, his critical thinking is very black and white, no grey areas at all.
How do you tell someone that you don't feel wanted or desired at home and another woman makes you feel this way? I have never been one to talk openly about my marital issues, especially with people who know one, if not both of us. Like I've said in my previous post, it was really hard to admit that I feel unwanted without it somehow being reflected back on me, it must be my fault in someway.
That is exactly how I feel all alone while still being surrounded by people, there is just so much that I can't share with others, including my spouse because things have changed so much in the past few years, but we are trying.

"Hold me up into the light, see the cracks and fix them right. Put the pieces in a jar, keep them there forever more... Don't let them throw me away, keep me and I'll be ok. " Korn