Rejection

Rejection, yep, I said it. No matter what any guy tells you, rejection is one of the hardest things for us to deal with. Its not supposed to be, but it is. It is compounded when it comes from someone you care about. Fear of rejection is a strong motivator for many men. We do get better dealing with it in time, but it still bothers us. For me its been driven home by being denied intimacy with my wife, even though I understand she is not always in the mood, it still hurts. I get to the point where I don't even want to ask or try anything because I don't what to hear another excuse. Every time the rejection hits, it comes back to feeling wanted or desired, which I've already covered in a past blog. It is a evil mistress, though I try not to let it bother me, it still does.

The more I reflect on the whole wanting to be desired thing, the more I can understand why many people are driven to cheating on their significant others. I have a friend that I used to work with who had a married woman come on to him. Out of the blue at work, this woman who came in to have her vehicle serviced (she had been in in the past), point blankly asked him if he would be interested in having an affair with her. When he told me about this about a year later I was shocked, but at the same time very intrigued. He was going through a tough time with his then 2nd wife (I know, sensing a pattern here) so I can't help but wonder what lead to the multi year affair. Was it the trouble at home or the feeling of being wanted by someone else? A few years ago I would say it was home trouble, but now I would have to say it is all a factor. One breeds another as I have come to find recently, and I can't help but ask myself what would I do in his place? I would like to think I could deny the urge to say fuck it and just go for it, but I don't know if I could.
I've never thought of myself as such a sexual being in the past, but I feel more and more drive lately. I want to be wanted as much as I want, if that makes sense to you. I wish my wife had the same passion for me that I do her. I would think a spouse would be more worried if their other half stopped wanting them, would this not be a bigger problem? Shouldn't this be the clue that maybe they are getting what they need somewhere else? Someones spouse would not be saying "is all you think about sex" if they stopped wanting.

I can certainly tell you that from reading others blogs on the matter, I'm not the only one that wants to feel desired. I now see how desire can lead you outside your normal bounds. I have not broken that trust, but I feel my will being slowly eroded.