Random thinking, again...

Perception is a funny thing. What we see is usually how we draw conclusions of others, which we all know, especially here, how wrong we can be. I was thinking the other day, as I sat alone on the beach wall, during my lunch break with my nose buried in a book, how many different views there must be of me. Who's to know what others think when they walk by or look at you.

I know as I sat there, enjoying the sun and the sights, that my mind is not even on my book at times. I'm doing the same thing as others, looking around, watching people. There's the runners and walkers going by, nodding to me if I happen look up and catch their attention. There are the two mothers on the beach watching their kids busily playing in the sand, the one in the black bikini constantly looking my way, must have spilled some coffee on my shirt again. The group of young girls hanging out in their car doing god only knows what. But its the three women on the beach facing me that have my attention. I'm guessing board house wives, but again, who knows. After a few minutes of glancing up over the edge of my book, I'm beginning to notice the same curious glances coming my way. I mean its hard not to notice three very attractive women in bikinis lying out on the beach, I have to look right. Hell that's the most skin I've seen in weeks. At one point two of the women are standing comparing the size of their thighs, giving me quite the show and a clear view of their fine forms. Yep, got my attention, now my mind is gone, gone to that bad area that's always there, fighting for control. Sorry getting off track again, see how easy that happens.

Which brings me back to perception, to them, am I just some guy sitting there showing a little interest or am a border line psycho? It is the former by the way, regardless of my little rant about lustful thoughts, those are always there, just suppressed. I just find it amusing that to most people I am the buttoned down, average, boring, normal, pick you vanilla adjective, person. I've become the go to guy for so many friends and family, its a little scary. If anyone were to stumble on to my blog who actually knew me, I think they would be thoroughly shocked at my brutal honesty in writing these post. My current persona is the real me but there is also that which lies below that I have learned to keep to myself, or you readers, for fear of that judgement. I know I've said before that I don't care what other people think, and for the most part I don't, but there is always that deeper fear of being treated differently for liking and enjoying what is not normally "socially acceptable behavior". Believe me I've taken a lot of heat just for my love of dangerous sports, especially my love of fast bikes, never mind the scuba diving, mountain biking, shooting, etc. Maybe its the Catholic upbringing, the whole do whats right preaching that gets drilled into a young boys head, that leaves me cautious, I don't know.

I've lost total track of where I was going here, sorry, I'll just leave you with this. It does not matter how we perceive others, thats part of the mystery, its how we are perceived that concerns some of us.