I was reading a blog that I've come to enjoy and she touched upon something that is quite close to the truth for me, that lack of Christmas spirit. I felt compelled to write a bit about it. 

We all know it's the Christmas season, I mean, how could you miss it, the big advertisement rush starts after fucking Halloween now. I guess I'm just not feeling in the spirit either. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing the excitement in my little one, the whole prospect of Santa coming has her asking every night when. My mood has been like this for quite a few years now, at some point during my marriage Christmas lost its luster. Not having enough money for this or that put a damper on our ability to give, and yet I always saw her spending on other things. I always liked the idea of giving and seeing the joy on that persons face at a surprise or something you knew they wanted. My wife is still so into the decorating and making the house Christmasized. She starts right after Thanksgiving with the decorating, got to have the tree up as soon as she can. I often wonder now if its more the trappings of season she enjoys, though she is a good Irish Catholic girl, very good about going to mass, how the fuck she wound up with me, we'll never know. She has rubbed off on M too, she can pick out baby Jesus from the nativity and knows its his birthday. I do things with both my wife and daughter though, I'll not be a Grinch that ruins things for them, I grin and bear it.

The other night after I got in from work, we took a trip about a half-hour north to see a mansion that goes all out with the Christmas lights. We got close and sat in the line of traffic waiting to get in for what wound up to be an hour and a half. After about 45 minutes sitting there, my wife asked if we should turn around, I was thinking fuck no, not after waiting this long. My poor little one was patient sitting in the back of the car as we inched forward, finally the dreaded words came out, "I need to pee". Shit. Were on a snaking back-road with lines of cars in front and behind. My wife grabbed her, opened the back door on the passenger side, and took M in front of it so she could pee. Thankfully, it was quick and the car behind was nice enough to turn their lights off. After finally getting there, I have to say, it was a let down, certainly not worth the time it took to get in and drive through it. M liked it at least and she passed out within 10 minutes of leaving there and slept the rest of the ride home. 

I don't know exactly when I lost the spirit, but my faith was shaken years ago and I don't really identify with the commercial aspect of the season either, I guess that leaves me in a shaky middle ground. My glasses are no longer rose colored. 

I'll do whatever I can to make my little one happy though, I keep my wife happy too by doing the things she likes and keeping my mouth shut. I can't even count how many Christmas movies, shows, and events I've seen or been to this season, but I will continue to keep the peace for those that still believe and have the spirit. When I wish you a Merry Christmas, I mean it, my lack of faith has nothing to do with you enjoying yours and I'll continue to experience the joy through the eyes of my little one. 

I truly hope everyone out there has a safe and happy Christmas. 

W

Buzzes, movies, and art..........Kinda

A few things to touch on today. One, I'm still dealing with this fucking headache, but it's thankfully not the full on migraine anymore. It is definitely the first time I had one last this long, three damn days now.

There have been some developments with a good friend of mine and I that has me running through a roller coaster of emotions the past two days. There's been anger, pain, compassion, hurt, love, perseverance, understanding, care, frustration, jealousy, happiness, and tears. But as always, its better after talking things trough, and we become even closer in a relationship that just can't be quantified.

Last night I went to pick up the little one from day care and when I got there, she saw me and cried, "I don't want daddy" and didn't want to come near me. That just warms the cockles of your heart, doesn't it? She apparently wasn't ready to come home. It took two different teachers to convince her that her friends were leaving soon too. As an aside, there is a new teacher there that is incredibly attractive and I have a hard time keeping my eyes from wandering towards her. Anyway, got the little one home, fed, gave her a bath, ready for bed, let her watch some TV and stay up late while waiting for a tardy mom to get home. I spent that time fixing a faulty printer diver which took way too long, but its fixed. Mom got home, we put the little one down, I showered and went back downstairs to watch a Netflix movie that I've been sitting on for a few weeks now. In the process of watching Unstoppable, I had a few too many drinks and was feeling pretty damn good by the end. I must say it was a really good movie. And the buzz actually really helped my head too, bonus. (I put the trailer for the movie below)

What else is there, ah yes, I've officially been commissioned for some art work, it was actually a few weeks ago, but I need to really get working on it. I've been mulling some ideas over in my head, but have yet to put pencil to sketch pad. It is one of my wife's cousins who wants me to come up with a patch for his motorcycle organization. They would make me a member even though I'm "too fast and hard core" for their type of group. Frankly, the fact that I've hit 167 MPH on my bike scared the shit out of him, but he said after much debate among the admission committee over my need for speed, he was able to intervene on my behalf. Considering the group consist of about five guys who ride cruisers, most of whom I know, it was pretty damn funny. What do you expect from a group that named themselves "The Candy Ass Posers", now you know why my admission is purely on my artistic ability's and familial relationship as I certainly don't fit the criteria of a poser on a my bike.

I guess that's all for now, have a good weekend my friends.


"Maybe one day I'll be an honest man
Up till now I'm doing the best I can
Long roads.Long days, of sunrise, to sunset
Sunrise to sunset

Dream on brothers while you can
Dream on sisters I hope you will find the one
All of our lives, covered up quickly by the tides of time"
                                             Dickinson/Gers

A few things

There is something quite sexy about body jewelry. I love how it can add to the beautiful curves or how it plays with and contrast against a woman's skin. It's sensual and erotic, naughty yet nice, all at the same time. Just a few examples I came across that I love...

Other times it can just be these great little things that make a huge impact on the look, bringing sexy to the forefront. The small thong with the cute garter and stockings, stockings always equal hot!!!!

There is no mistaking presentation though. Fully clothed or naked as can be, ready for hot sweaty sex, attitude and the look always make a huge impact.

Have I told you I hate Migraines? I do, I really do. I have one now that's fucking killing me and does not seem to want to completely go away. At least I can see enough to read and type again but it has made for a difficult few hours at work. I did get a break and drove down to the beach to try and get some quiet, I think that helped. I just wish these meds were stronger, I think I'm going to have to have a discussion with Doc about that.

How about something to cheer you guys up then? Just a few I found on Tumblr.

Ok, well they make me feel better.

Nature's caresss

The rain is falling outside, steadily washing everything in sight. I step out into it, my first thought is to pick up the pace as the first drops hit. 

I don't.

I pick myself up, my head high, shoulders back and welcome the rain to my skin. It's cold as they strike my face. The touch is a tiny shock with each impact. I feel every drop, on my cheeks, in my hair, down the back of my neck.

Walking unwaveringly forward, I pull in a deep breath. The cold air burns as it races through me, feeling it travel down my throat, filling my lungs with its cleansing spirit.

I welcome the touches as one would a lovers. Savoring each sensation as it may be my last.

I have felt an inner peace in this moment, this slight slowing in time, if even for only a few seconds. I revel in nature's caress, for it is fleeting and gone before I can truly appreciate the gift accorded me.

Last weekend

Over the weekend the wife and I made a trek up to Cambridge. One of her cousins is a Priest that has been transferred recently to a prominent college there, lets just say it starts with a Har and ends with a vard. Yea, make sure you say it while looking down your nose at people you think your better than, because that's the attitude many of them have up there. I'll not say all do, but yes, many, and he agrees with me. The whole area has developed this elitist nature that's taken on a life of it's own. I can't help but wonder if that's where many Bostonian's get their attitudes from, that high concentration of elite schools in the area very well could effect the overall climate and give many this entitlement that I hate so much.

I learned that the school has a policy to buy any property's that come up for sale since prices have skyrocketed in the past few decades there and there is no free space for expansion. I only mention this because it did make me feel a bit out of place there, as there were many a sideways look while we were out. It doesn't bother me like it used to when I was younger, now I revel in my individuality. Maybe it was our jackets that were getting the looks as he's a Harley owner and had his riding jacket on with giant logos everywhere, and I happened to have my ridding jacket on as well with all the armor in (it makes me look a bit more broad).

It was a decent night overall, we hit a cool restaurant with some micro brews on tap and had a good dinner. We then went to another place where a scene from The Town was shot, cool movie by the way. No room there we moved onto another place just down the street with an outdoor patio and wood burning stove dead center. Had a few more drinks and decided to call it a night. The ride home actually took longer than the ride in, surprisingly. It's nice to be able to get along with someone from her side so well. Anyway, you all know the rest of the story, how the nights end for me. 

Oh well, just felt like writing something, I didn't really have a point except hating the sense that entitlement.

Quote

"I would that I might die this hour, seeing that I could not help my friend..."
Achilles

Great in White

The color of innocence, but so far from it. Just Lovely.

I found this on Tumblr, its not mine, but I had to share.

Super sexy

I came across this short film via a friends tumblr page. I'm putting the link here because I think its sexy as hell and had to share it. I love the music, the outfit, the collar and cuffs, and of course her perfect obedience.

http://shadesinbetween.tumblr.com/post/13018608599/my-absolute-favorite-with-the-perfect-song-this

Saturday dining

I planned a nice dinner out for my wife's birthday this past Saturday. All she wanted was a hands off night out, she wanted to worry about none of it. Not a problem with me, easy enough. I found a newer restaurant in our area that we've never been to before and made reservations for 5, it was either that or 9. So with those made, next was finding a sitter for M. My first choice was busy so I hit up my sister in law to see if she had any plans. Within a hour she got back to me, not only was she not busy, but she offered to take M overnight. I figured that was even better, rather than a few hours at dinner, we had the night to ourselves, maybe we could capitalize on that time.

I actually had Saturday off, so I didn't have to rush home to get ready or anything which was nice. The down side was being home with M and my wife all day. I know, that sounds terrible, but let me explain. For some reason M was making my wife a bit on the quick to snap short fuse side. She was quite aggravated with M constantly wanting her. I did my best to keep M busy, but she would still go running for Mom and just chat her ear off. For the past two weeks my wife has had little to no patience, so it's been a bit of pussy footing over hot coals for me. We got things ready for M's overnight stay and got ready ourselves for dinner, there was a dress code to meet after all. We headed to the sis in law's and dropped of the wee one then headed straight for the restaurant which is a few towns away. We got there with two minutes to spare, headed to the door, and it was locked. They weren't even open yet, so we sat in the car and waited about 10 minutes until someone came to let the growing crowd in the parking lot in. We were greeted by the owner and given a nice table in the back that oversaw everything. We got some drinks and talked a bit, trying to figure out the menu, much of which was a bit confusing. We ordered and ended up having a really good meal, Tapas, entrees and dessert. The food was excellent, the best I've had out to eat in years, of course that's why it cost so much more too I'm sure. All in all, it went by quicker than I thought. We were there for about an hour and a half total, but it was a great place to spend some time.

After, she wanted to go to a shoe store, I wasn't going to argue, this was for her birthday. So we went there and I walked around looking at nothing while she was in shoe heaven. After a half hour or so there we headed home. We got in and the first thing I wanted was another drink, so I made myself one. I then made a nice fire and we settled in to watch some TV since it was still early. She moved to the floor in front of the fire and was asleep in about 5 minutes, it was still before 9... So ended what I was hoping to be a romantic night without the little one.

Hurting

I've had my heart broken twice in as little as a day. First, was the slap I got across the face late yesterday afternoon when I went to pick up my little one. The teacher says to me, "oh hi, we need to talk", and she proceeds to pull a chair next to her so I can sit down. I've never had to have a "talk" with her. She then starts looking for a book because she had to write it all down. It turns out my little one had some devilish attitude in her yesterday. She started the morning by punching a classmate, no idea why, she just wound up and let loose on him. A little while later, the teacher had them in line for something, when she turned to look at the kids, mine had a boys cheek grasped in her fingers, leaving five little red marks on his face before she let go. Then, around lunch time, they were all eating and mine decided to spit on the kid next to her.

I sat there and listened to the charges like a death row inmate facing the chair. I couldn't believe my little girl would do all that. I was shocked and just looked at her across the way, playing like nothing ever happened. I'm embarrassed to even be having this conversation with the teacher. The only saving grace is the teacher knows that this is not normal for my M. She is usually very affectionate, always wanting to sit in the teachers lap, or be close to others. I'm hoping its just a one time thing. Never the less, we are reinforcing the ideas that she is not to touch anyone in a hurtful way and absolutely no spitting, ever. And of course there was the "Santa only comes to good kids houses."

The second hurt was a different kind this morning when I receive a text from my wife. I'm typically out of the house early and home late, so I sometimes don't get to spend much time with M. I'm at work this morning when the text comes through from my wife around 7:45. She says that M told her out of the blue that she misses daddy. My wife repeated it and M says "yea, a lot". It kills me thinking I'm not there enough for my little girl. I love her to death, but I can't afford to be without this job. I get paid well for what I do, and that has made it difficult to find something in a different field with better hours.

I don't know. I'm just in a really bad mood today because of this and some other things that have been bothering me, life really can just drag your ass down sometimes. I feel I'm loosing touch with everything, caring less and putting up more walls, reverting back into myself yet again.

That's the kind of little devil I could get into......------------>

Yes, I'm enamored

Things are finally starting to straighten themselves out around here after Octobers freak snow storm. Just about everyone has power back finally, a point of contention for many with the electricity providers. We still have some snow piles on the ground even though temps have been hovering in the 60's the past few days.

So Sunday, the family and I ventured out to a mall that we haven't been to in a year or so and has under gone many changes. Its much more "high brow" now with stores that I can't afford to look in the windows, never-mind step into with the thought of spending. It's right around 1 o'clock and the place is pretty full. My first thought is, you have to be fucking kidding me, Christmas decorations already? But after I got over the shock of that, I started looking around and appreciating the sights, and it became the reason for this post.

Can I tell you that I love, LOVE, the return of leggings, which I believe they are called. I call them, the super tight, ass hugging, W loving, women's pants. Oh my fucking god are they sexy. Add in some heals and I'm half way to full mast. And all you ladies in yoga pants have a similar effect on me too.

There were so many incredible looking women at the mall just strutting around in these. I had all I could do to keep my attention on the little one, if not, my head would have looked like it was on a spring. I especially love the fact that most of the women wearing them have the body's for it and they weren't covering up with long shirts or anything. Two of the office chicks are even in on the act, it wasn't just my last Halloween post that had them wearing them.

It feels almost like being back in high school, minus the teased to the heavens hair of course. May leggings stay around for awhile, pleaseeeeeee......

An answer, A.K.A. my two cents...

So the other day I received an incomplete Formspring question from a fellow blogger, fault Formspring's character limit, not the blogger. I did receive an email from her explaining her position some more and she would like my opinion on the matter. Again, I'm far from an expert in such matter, but always happy to be asked for help. Here is what she wrote on Formspring:

I wish I had seen this earlier. I really needed some advice about a hook-up that persistently pursued me then after our hook-up decided he felt "guilty" about cheating on his wife. me being me of course became completely enamored and am now crushed. He in...


And this is her continuation to me:

Basically I wanted advice on how I should handle this issue with this guy or better yet how to move on and put it behind me. We have no contact anymore and quite honestly i became very attached to him and miss him terribly.

The first thing to comes to my mind is, how many times did you "hook up" with him? Ok, never mind that question, she just answered that in an email to me. Apparently it was only once, but it was an incredible once, or so I'm told.  I wondered how you developed such strong feelings for him. It sounds like he was quite the aggressor in the beginning if he was that persistent, so it could also very well be the emotional connection you made with him even before you physically fucked. The thing you must be aware of and ask yourself is, how did this attachment come into being? Is it the emotional connection your craving and missing, or the physical ecstasy you experienced? I would think if you only had the physical once, it would be easier to let go and move on. So, maybe you truly did develop this as emotional affair and hence your unwillingness to let go.

On the other side of the coin is his connection to you. Seems its not nearly as strong as yours is to him. I would hazard a guess and say he was in it just for the sex possibly. Though his borderline stalkerish attitude towards pursuing you makes me think otherwise. I  think maybe he is just feeling guilty about the start of an affair. Was this a first affair for him? If so, its completely possible he lost his nerve, even if the sex was that good.

The bigger issue it seems is your longing for him. What made him so special to you to develop this crush? I know you've had other guys from what I've read, there must be something about him that caused this attachment. Maybe he could have been the perfect lover, but you can't beat yourself up over that now. You have to find a way to let him go if he doesn't want to continue the affair anymore. I'm sure you knew going into the whole AM thing that the possibility for this kind of thing was there. I think I'm just more surprised that you developed an attachment to him so quickly.

The burden is now on you to move on, and move past him. Look at it as a minor set back and one of the hazards of affairs. You said it yourself, your a strong woman and you can move on, you don't need to dwell on something that is not reciprocal and will only drag you down more.

This is all only my opinion, I don't know that I'm much help, but I thank you for asking anyway. If anyone else has suggestions on how to move on, by all means, leave a comment.

Just remember that old adage, "It is sometimes better to love and lost, than to have never loved at all."

Formspring question

Wow, I got my first Formspring question. The only down side is I think there's a limit on the amount of characters allowed, so I didn't get the complete question. Here is what I got:

I wish I had seen this earlier. I really needed some advice about a hook-up that persistently pursued me then after our hook-up decided he felt "guilty" about cheating on his wife. me being me of course became completely enamored and am now crushed. He in


Now before I weigh in on this, I'd like to have the complete paragraph since Formspring seems slightly handicapped. So please, whomever sent this, email me and I'd be happy to put in my two cents. I don't know if I'm the best person to ask, but I'm more than willing to give you my opinion.

W
internalpathwaytocontention@gmail.com

Sexyness at work

Yesterday brought some interesting sights to work for a change. I work in a predominately male business and the more beautiful of the species is not seen all that often. We do have a few women that work in the office but they are usually only seen passing through, to or from their cars.

Yesterday being old hallows eve, the ladies in the office apparently decided to dress up and have a bit of a party in there. Now, I've often heard in the past that Halloween is a great time for some women to embrace their inner slut and dress however they like without any repercussions, and believe me, I relish the idea. Hell, I think they should do it much more often, once a week maybe, I'm more than happy to look at all that sexy flesh, on display, peaking out, begging for attention. Mmmmmm. So, anyway, before I had my little tangent, I was saying...

My department has a view of the main work area where everyone walks through, so I was given the opportunity to be surprised early yesterday when one of the girls walked in with skin tight black pants and a tail swaying back and forth as she walked through. Damn, that looked pretty good. About a half hour later, another one walks in, same thing, tight black pants and high boots, only this one is working it, sauntering through, hips swinging and swaying. Oh my, I'm thinking as every guy has their eyes glued to her ass.

The best thing is how they knew they had the attention and kept walking back and forth throughout the day, eating it up I'm sure. The tails on their asses, ears sticking up high, and painted whiskers all attracting the cat woman attention of a guy centric business. Three of them on separate occasions even made some trips to my department to drop things off, which is not a normal occurrence. It had my mind in the gutter most of the day, I know, not a difficult thing to do right.

Happy Halloween to all of Blogland

I'll give you a pic of some pumpkins me and my little one did the other night. Well, I designed, cleaned, and carved while she poked holes with my pencil in hers and kept asking if I was done yet. Oh well. It's fun to create sometimes.

And the light difference is one of those fake candles verses a real one. Though it very well looks to be a plutonium glow to it. Go to the Springfield power plant, ask for Homer, I'm sure he'll hook you up too.
HH

Ohh My

So I stumbled upon this one today. You may recognize Rosie Huntington-Whiteley from the last of the Transformers movies, she is incredibly hot, as you'll see here.

Why does this stuff not happen to me, damn it....
Well, all except that last part, she would have to finish me off.

Enjoy.

Marco Simoncelli and Dan Wheldon

Two lives were taken in as many weeks this month in motorsports. Moto GP rider Marco Simoncelli died on the 23rd  from injuries sustained during a horrific crash. He was 24 years old. 

Excerpt's from Wikipedia: On 23 October 2011, Simoncelli was involved in an accident with Colin Edward and Valentino Rossi during the 2011 Malaysian GP at the Sepang Internation Circut. In fourth position during lap two, Simoncelli's bike lost traction in Turn 11 and started to slide toward the gravel. Somehow, the tires found traction and straightened itself up and suddenly veered across the track into the path of Edward and Rossi, with Simoncelli hanging on, on the right side.

Edwards was injured with a dislocated shoulder, while Simoncelli lay still on the track after the crash, his helmet having come off during the incident. The race was immediately red-flagged. Simoncelli was taken by ambulance to the circuit's medical centre, but at 16:56 local time it was announced that he had died from his injuries. Later, at a press conference involving members of the MotoGP Race Direction, Medical Director Michele Macchiagodena said that Simoncelli sustained "a very serious trauma to the head, to the neck and the chest", and was administered cardiopulmonary resuscitation for 45 minutes.

And Indy car driver Dan Wheldon who died last week during a terriable crash as well. 

At the 2011 IZOD IndyCar World Championship at Las Vegas Motor Speedway on 16 October 2011, Wheldon was involved in a 15-car accident during lap 11 of the race.^[14] The multi-car pileup resulted in a red flag.^[15][16][17] Wheldon had to be extricated from his car and was airlifted to a local hospital with what were described as "serious injuries."^[18] He subsequently succumbed to his injuries at 1:54 PDT.^[19] He was 33 years old.^[20][21]

The IndyCar officials and drivers decided that the race would be abandoned, and that a five-lap salute would be held in Wheldon's honour, with his number 77 being displayed alone at the top of the scoring pylon.^[17] He had been the only driver participating in Go Daddy's IndyCar Challenge where he and a randomly selected fan, Ann Babenco, would have been eligible for $2.5 million each if he won the race, starting from last place.^[22][23]

An autopsy conducted on 17 October 2011 concluded that Wheldon died of blunt force trauma to the head.^[24]

After Wheldon's death, Michael Andretti revealed that Wheldon had signed with Andretti Autosport for a multi-year deal to replace driver Danica Patrick starting in the 2012 season,^[25]which would have seen him return to the team with which he had achieved his greatest success in IndyCar.^{[citation needed]}

On 18 October, Italian manufacturer Dallara confirmed that the 2012 series car would be named after Wheldon in honour of his work testing the car.

I have many friends that race motorcycles and cars, and I can tell you that we all know the risk associated with this type of sport, it is dangerous. One of my friends is actually considering hanging up his leathers after seeing Marco's crash. I can tell you one thing though, if they die doing it, it was doing something they loved.

RIP Marco and Dan

Quick one

As Monday was a holiday for many people, but not I or my wife, we had to find someone to watch my daughter for the day since daycare was closed. She ended up spending the day with my in-laws. I ended up getting this story second hand of course, but it still brought a smile to my face.

She was apparently in the car with them when they passed by a large downed tree. The told her, hey look at that M. Without missing a beat, she said "my daddy can fix that", which made the in-laws laugh. She must have remembered me cutting down and chopping up a tree for a neighbor a while back. I'm amazed at what kind of knowledge a three year old retains. She then went on to add "I love my daddy very much".

Why can't I be around to hear those? It always seems when she's with me that she wants nothing to do with daddy. Oh well, children will make you crazy and I only have one. I pity those of you with more.

Sometimes your just in the right place at the right time. This picture from my phone doesn't do the colors justice. I really need to start carrying the Nikon with me in the truck.

A second century

It's been awhile since I've written anything, guess I just haven't been in the mood. I figured I'd tell write about my second century though...

I was up at 5, showered, and looked out the window to see how bad the previous nights storms had left things. It was really wet, but not raining anymore. I headed downstairs and started loading up the truck with my bike and gear and was out by 6. The good news is, it was kind of warm, in the 60's.

I got there, checked in, got my number and some food in me, then headed to the start just before 7. We were off right on time and I was feeling good and started going a good pace, but about 4 miles in, the sky opened up and it rained for the next hour, down pours much of the time. I was soaked through in less than a minute, rooster tails flying overhead from riders in front of me. Oh well, I thought, this is what I was expecting. At least it was warm and not freezing my core. I had a long sleeve under-armor under my bike jersey, so that helped too.

I just kept riding, pounding away on the pedals, hitting the rest stop at 25 miles and feeling good, soaked but good. I fired back some food, refilled my water, and tucked a half of banana in my jersey pocket before heading back out again.Somewhere along this stretch, I tucked in with a group of about 15 riders who were setting a quick pace, I looked down to see we were doing a consistent 24-25 mph. I couldn't help thinking, this is great, we will be done in no time at this pace, it was easy spinning. That lasted for about 7 or 8 miles before I got dropped off the back like a bad habit. I just couldn't maintain that pace on a long up hill and lost the group. Things got quiet from there. I was riding alone for the run up to the next rest stop.

About 5 miles before the 48 mile rest stop, I take a left onto a short climb that goes up and to the right, FUCK, I remember what comes after this. At the top of that short climb, I take a left onto a long climb, I stand up and start hammering the pedals, gearing down as I'm losing power. Then my left leg cramps half way up, so I jump off and have to walk to the top, stretching my leg as I go. A few other riders pass me, making sure I'm ok before heading on, I wave and say thank you. At the top I remount and start going again in a lower gear, trying to loosen my muscle more. It's feeling better so I get up to pace again and end up catching the other riders just before the rest stop. Off the bike, top off fluids, get some food, and repeat.

At about the 53 mile mark, I'm asking myself, what the fuck am I doing. I'm hurting bad, the last series of hills has my thighs burning and the mental games start taking over, I'm feeling a failure at this, at my marriage, and probably parenthood to come, I'm never going to finish, I can't do anything right. Every hill feels like a mountain. The next 25 miles are quiet and lonely, not one other riders passes me, nor do I pass anyone. I'm struggling for every mile I gain. I keep looking at the GPS, the miles hardly move every time I look down. I tell myself not to look anymore, just ride until the next stop.

I hit the next rest stop, get some more water, stretch a bit and head out yet again. I'm still sore, but doing a bit better now. Its a quiet ride yet again, just county back roads. There are other riders here and there that I pass on this stretch, that helps my moral a bit too.

The last rest stop is with 15 miles to go, I get more water and just want to finish. My knee is hurting and my back is aching, but I just want to be done. I check my phone to let my wife know that I'm almost done so her and the little one can meet me there. I also have a message from a friend who is riding the 25 mile route, he says its a lot harder than he thought and I'm his new hero for doing 100. That makes me smile some.

I head out from the last rest stop, there are now some 50 mile riders on the route, so I'm passing others, not feeling so slow anymore. The last 3 miles is a series of up hills that take there toll on my legs, I'm not getting off, I power through, I need to just finish this. I swing around the back of the building where everything is staged, then to the left under the finish line with hundreds of volunteers cheering, I stop so they can take my number and my little girl comes running over, "Daddy, I missed you" she says as I picked her up. All the female volunteers around me are melting at this. I get off, walking with my daughter in my arms while my wife rolls my bike beside me. I did it. I didn't think I was going to make it, but I did it.

We walked down to the tent area, and found the team I was riding for. They all congratulated me and the woman in charge, after being shocked I was done already,  just kept apologizing for not getting me the right size team jersey. "The only guy on our team doing 100 miles and I screw up the size on him" she keeps saying. So after a light meal and a beer I rest my legs sitting there, just watching things go on around me, my daughter playing with some other kids, getting a balloon animal. My wife talking to friends. Other riders just finishing the day and happy to unwind. And I sit alone, under a tent in soaked shoes.

Pic

Sometimes we truly see amazing sights...

I just wish I had my Nikon with me, the iphone doesn't do it justice.

A follow up of sorts

I had another "discussion" with the wife last night. I've been reverting back to my stone-self some and it came to a head yet again. She said, "what, am I not supposed to notice you getting quiet again". I told her, that was exactly the point, for you to notice something. She wanted to know why I stopped talking to her about certain things, and I told her, why bother if you don't listen to what I have to say. We went back and fourth for a while on different things. For her, she is feeling under appreciated again, asking why I won't help with some things. The thing is, I do, but I was not doing things the way she wanted, so I stopped when I got the attitude.

For me, it was the usual, a lack of sex and intimacy. Her finding ways to avoid me, or being to tired, or too busy, it's always something. She asked if it got better after our last conversation, yea, for like two weeks.

I've been thinking a lot lately if this is the life I want to live, drowning in my head, suffering in silence for my daughter. I've heard and read from many others that its not worth burying yourself for it. I love my little girl unconditionally, but I'm in pain.

I don't feel the passion anymore in our relationship. I want more than I think she is willing to give. As she admitted to me last night, "even if we had sex every night, you wouldn't be happy". And I said, no, probably not. I'm tired of not feeling wanted physically, I'm tired of rejection, I'm tired of feeling like a outcast in my own home. She turned to me and said "do you think we are going to make it". I just don't know. She said "don't you think it's worth fighting for" and I said that's what I thought I've been doing.

The more I think about it, the more I'm loosing ground. I realize how unhappy I am and have not done anything about it until now. It feels good to get it out to her, but it hurts because I think I'm the one ending our marriage. I have always worried about making others happy, usually to my own detriment, that has to end. I want to be happy.

She would like to try counselling again, I truly don't know if it will do any good. I feel the courses of our lives have shifted to much.

"Time is a friend or an enemy of a soul who longs to be free."
       Maria

As hurricane Irene has now hit land fall in the Carolina's, we here in the North East are bracing for the hit tonight and on into tomorrow. I'm just hoping all of you fellow Bloggers on the East coast weather the storm fine and are able to avoid any major issues.

 Be Safe.

I've not been open to it lately, but there is beauty to be found when you least expect it. It's around us if we chose to see it and accept it into ourselves. It's in people, its in nature around us, and in the heavens that surround us. This morning gave me a few glimpses.

I came around an on-ramp in traffic to see the myriad suns rays bursting through the clouds in front of me, perfectly framed top, left, and right by a flock of birds.

I was physically moved by reading something powerful this morning.

And I've been brought to the verge of tears by a song.

I know I'm in a hard place right now, maybe that's part of it. But my body, mind, and soul are open and accepting that which is given.

Observation

I sat in the mall yesterday, by myself, eating my lunch, and I just watched. There's all the young girls, by themselves, tying to act older than they are, wishing school doesn't start soon. There are the kids with their parents, school shopping, and obviously not wanting to be there.  And there are those like me, just out for a convenient bite to eat, a break from the grind.

I sit at my table, my helmet, backpack, and food spread around me, and I'm can't stop looking back at this one woman. She looks to work at one of the stores in the mall, judging by the name tags on those around her. One man sits to her left, keeping his distance and not saying much, just staring at his food most of the time. Across from her sits another woman whom she seems to be in deep conversation with. What caught my attention initially, now has keep it.

I watch this woman talking, she has her right hand up under her shirt, resting on her stomach, moving it around every now and then. Then her left hand, across her chest, under her tank and bra strap on her right shoulder, again, just caressing. Then its one hand to her hair, pulling it up, then the other on her bare neck. The whole time, she and her companion, never stop talking. And this goes on the whole time I'm sitting there eating.

I can't help but wonder what she's thinking about as her hands roam over her own body involuntary, craving that skin on skin contact. Is it her husband or a boyfriend back home, longing for his touch? Is it a lover who just broke that connection while she hungrily craves more? Is it repressed sexual tension just oozing out subconsciously?

These are the things I think about as I sit there, alone, lost in thought yet again.
These are things I crave, to be touched with passion, longing and desire.

A meeting

I pull up to the train station, scanning the crowds, looking, longing. The butterfly's still fresh in my stomach as my nerves attempt to catch up with the reality of the moment. She must have seen my truck coming, because she is staring straight at me as I finally spot her in the crowd. I move past her to an open area on the side and jump out to meet her walking my way. Her smile is intoxicating as she glides towards me. Her legs bared by her skirt and heals creating smooth lines up. My gaze continues up her body to a low cut shirt that shows just enough cleavage to be sexy. Her hair is unbound, falling to her shoulders and bounces as she walks. Absolutely radiant.

We come together, she drops her bag as I reach out and wrap my arms around her, crushing my weight against her and inhaling her scent. I pull back just enough to lean down to her lips, laying the softest of kisses on them. She returns it with same tenderness. I pick up her bag and lead her to the truck, opening the door for her, I help her up and put her bag in the back. My heart is still pounding in my chest, that this moment has actually arrived, the wait seemed like forever. I climb into the truck and we head out. I can't stop looking over at her, she is actually sitting right next to me. She leans over to my side and runs one hand up the back of my neck, just resting it there, enjoying the connection, before she leans in to lay those soft lips on the bare skin of my neck. It sends a shudder down my back.

She gives me a smirk and leans back, as comfortable as can be. That smirk becomes a sly smile as she stares at me. I can't stop looking at her, and she knows it. The knowing look and smile brighten every time I glance at her. Out on the highway now, I'm looking even more, my gaze running up her legs. She runs a hand up her leg, lifting her skirt higher. She says she has surprise for me. Leaning back, shifting her back to the door, she plants her right foot on the floor and her left she brings up to the armrest next to me. Hiking her skirt higher, I see what is obviously a freshly shaved pussy. Now that is a beautiful sight. She brings a finger to her clit, rubbing slowly, running it down between her lips, coating it with her sex. She then sits up and brings that finger to my mouth as she whispers, taste me, into my ear. I do, savoring the sweetness. Do you like it, she ask.
Like she has to ask.
Yes.

I want to taste more, I tell her. She leans back again, letting me see clearly just how smooth she is. She spreads her lips with one hand while the other delves in with two fingers, no resistance at all. She keeps working those fingers in and out, a sheen stands out clearly every time they withdraw. Are you ready for more she ask. Yes. Bringing her fingers back to my lips, I get her aroma full in my nostrils, as those digits disappear into my mouth. Her heady scent, sweet taste, and swirling perfume creating a whirlwind of eroticism in the cab of my truck.

She can't help but notice the effect she's having on me.

Legs open wide,

revealing the beauty between.

Those beautiful folds,
belonging to me.

Glistening with wetness,
anticipation is key.


Under my tongue the quivering begins anew,
my own excitement now clearer to you.

Lick it,

Kiss it, 

Suck it, 

Fuck it.

Off for a bit

I will be unavailable next week in case anyone is looking me,because I know so many of you do, yea right. Anyway...

I'm heading up north with the wife and little one for a few days in New Hampshire. I'm not really looking forward to it, though I know I should be. I am looking forward to not having to come into work for the next week. 

The wife and I were talking about the trip this past week and she says to me "your not expecting sex on vacation are you?" No, why would I want that? She is dead serious by the way. I've always thought vacations were some of the best places to have sex, guess I'm the only one thinking that way, again. Fuck. This is just another reason why I've stopped enjoying some of my vacations, it's just more pronounced now that we have a child and so much time and energy is spent on the little one.

I actually brought this topic up during our recent discussion. I asked her why it was we could spend a week in beautiful Aruba and not have sex once. Oh boy, did she freak about that. I do remember she was pretty sick flying down there. But then it was all about how stressed she was with work and a recent miscarriage. Needless to say, she thought it was perfectly reasonable to abstain during vacation. I even suggested having sex on our balcony on the seventh floor overlooking the pool and beach. It was a dark balcony by the way. No go.

Sorry, guess I started rambling again. You guys know how passionate I am about sex. Forgive me. 

I will miss reading all your blogs and l look forward to catching up with them.

Another Dickhead

I ended up having it out with a co-worker in another department this week. This has been building to a head for a few weeks now. He is relatively new here but can't seem to grasp that it's not his company and he can't do whatever the fuck he wants. With this guy it's always, hey help me out, give me a discount, can't you do better, etc. He's been driving me nuts and he's been a constant problem for the last few weeks.

The final episode for me was the end of last week though. He asked me to order something for one of his customers, he gave the information, and of course, it was wrong. I called him, told him to double check because what he was asking for did not exist. He called back about an hour later, after I had already left for the day, and spoke with one of my co-workers who wrote down the correct information on the work order. I came in the the next day and she gave the information to order the parts. Everything was fine until that evening.

I get a phone call from said asshole. "Hey, whats up with the price of these?" I told him, that's what they are each. He says, "that's not the price you quoted me". I told him that I never quoted him a price, I assumed he used the tools available to him to get the price himself. So after some argument on his part and me remaining my calm, cool self, he freaks out, and says "your a lot of fucking help as usual" and hangs up on me.

As of now, I told my boss, I'm done with him, and I refuse to deal with him and I proceed to ignore him for the next few days. So that means he has now pissed off two of the three people in this department.

Saturday comes around and its only the two people that hate this guy in the department. I run to the rest room sometime around 9. As I come out, there's asshole waiting for me. He hold's out his hand and says sorry. I just said "no, I'm done with you" and walked by him.

He follows me to my department and we commence to arguing there for the next 15-20 minutes. He says "are you calling me a liar" and I said "this is how it went down, I don't know what's in your head, so yes." So after a little while I said that whatever happened, it should never get to the point that it did, I told him he has no right to treat a co-worker like that. He finally agreed to that and said it was just his temper. I said if it continues he was not going to have anyone to help him anymore.

I guess what I don't understand is the attitude that you can treat people like shit and then laugh it off like it's no big deal. Wrong. It's a big deal to me and I will not tolerate that kind of arrogance.

Motorcycle stuff. Very cool if your into it, otherwise you may want to skip this post.

I finally got around to installing the Christmas gift I received from Beryl a while back. It was an exhaust kit for my R1, and I must say I'm very impressed with the results.

First of all, its a steal for the price. But it is labor intensive. You first have to disassemble most of the rear of the bike to remove the stock twin exhaust.











Once it was off the end cap rivets need to be drilled out then the factory titanium welds need to be cut to allow the removal of the inner baffle. I took them to my place of work to use some heavier tools. It still took about 2 hours to get both pipes gutted.

Factory Baffle

Once apart, its just a matter of replacing the restrictive stock baffle and replacing it with a newly wrapped race baffle in each pipe and riveting both end caps back on.

Restrictive Factory Baffle

Then of course its time to take them home and put it all back together.

I've only ridden it twice since putting it back together, but the improvements are noticeable. There is less of a power dip at the 6,000 rpm range, smoothing out the power delivery, and there is also less shuddering at lower speeds.

The best part though is the sound, it has a much deeper base sound and a nice growl when giving it some gas.

I'm including some sound clips from the company these were purchased from. I took some before and after videos myself, but the sound is not as good. If your interested in seeing my own bike with these, let me know.

Race baffles with repacking kit

According to the manufacture, "Installing this kit will give you about 4-6 hp and 5 lbs of torque." And "Saves you about 2 lbs of total weight compared to the OEM exhaust baffle."










I have to say, I am extremely impressed. Thanks again B.

My other baby...

Damn-it....

So I'm out last night playing pool, I get home around 11, about an hour earlier than normal. I see the bedroom light on when I pull in and I'm thinking, wow, she's still up, I'm shocked. I try to be quiet going in so I don't wake my little one.

I feed the fish and turn off the lights that are left on for me and decide to use the downstairs bathroom before heading up. Flushing the toilet gave me away apparently. She never heard me come in because the A/C is on in the house. By the time I get upstairs, the light is out and she's standing beside the bed closing the toy drawer in her nightstand. I asked her what she's doing, she said she was putting the rabbit away.

Apparently she was reading one of the old penthouse letters magazine that we have and getting off using the rabbit. Ok, that's fine with me, I don't have a problem with that at all. I know how good the rabbit vibe is for her. Hell, I love using it on her sometimes.

I get undressed and climb into bed and ask light heartedly, what, she didn't want to wait for me. She says, why do you have to be like that, I don't know if your joking or serious. I'm a bit confused by the statement. Anyway, I slide up next to her and put my hand on her stomach, and guess what? She wants nothing to do with me.

Denied. What The Fuck!!!!
Really?

She's usually in the mood after reading those, I don't understand. What did I do? All I can think is I was never intended to catch her using the rabbit, which I think may be a Monday night ritual when I'm out.

I'm still fuming inside about this. Am I being unreasonable wanting to get in on the action, thinking she's in the mood? I'm just absolutely confused.

I'm feeling like the following video...